if i was a cop

i would try real hard not to be on the take.

being on the take is wrong, i'd know that.

i wouldn't rat out my buds, though, if they were on the take. i know how to look the other way. i ain't serpico.



eventually, something would happen, like i'd get set up by my partner and beaten into a bloody mess by some punks. as a warning.

or i'd get shit on by a bum and then come home to an empty fridge and a bunch of overdue bills.

and then i'd realize it was time to go on the take.

here's how i'd rationalize being on the take:

i'd be like, if the city of new york doesn't recognize that the job i do is a special one -- it's fraught with danger, it's open to public criticism, and it's all that separates the people who do bad things from the people who don't want bad things done to them -- then who am i to turn down kind offers from the people who DO recognize this?

people who gave us money would get special treatment. i'd still protect and serve everybody, but i'd be more protective and servile of the people who paid extree for it. i'd be their bitch. i'd take care of them.

and life would go along pretty good for awhile. i'd have big christmases and a secret sock stuffed with twenties, way up on a high shelf.

eventually, it would get out of control, though. we'd be divying up money and coke after a narcotics bust. we'd be giving out bullshit tickets to small businessmen who didn't want to play ball with the local mob.

and then one day, my partner would say he wanted my help with something really big. there was risk involved, he'd say, but if we could do this one thing and do it right, we'd be set.

and i'd meet him in a bar, not the cop bar we usually went to but someplace out of the way. and he'd tell me about the really big thing he wanted my help with.

and it would be something real bad.

and before he even finished telling me what it was, maybe halfway through his sales pitch, i'd realize that it didn't matter if i said no. i was in it now. right there in the middle of it, along with him.

and i'd wish i'd never gone on the take.

and i'd wish i'd never been a cop.

oh, by the way, if i was a cop, you can bet your ass i'd have a moustache and big reflective sunglasses.