Hansy the Greek
Since it's champeenship weekend in the NFL, I think it's only right that I, Hans Q. Bungle, go on record with some predictions.
Only problem is, I follow pro football about as closely as I follow local politics, so my predictions are essentially meaningless. That being the case, I am going to stay away from the traditional "what so and so needs to do" or "so and so's in trouble if" garbage. Instead I will issue several unorthodox predictions per game, and you can rest assured that most of them will prove completely inaccurate.
Game 1: Pittsburgh at Denver, 3pm EST
1) I predict that I miss the first two and a half quarters of this game because I am out shopping with my wife.
2) I predict that at some point in the third quarter, there is a questionable pass interference call on a long pass. I am not sure right now whether it will be a case of an official calling PI when he shouldn't, or failing to call it when he should. I may or may not get back to you on this.
3) I predict that the pre-game show has at least one stupid feature on QB beards.
4) I predict that I eat my share of salty snacks during this game.
5) I predict that somebody throws a really bad interception.
6) I predict that there is one defensive touchdown scored in this game.
7) I predict that I start the laundry during this game.
8) I predict that this game will be close throughout, with lots of "turning points" for the announcers to call to our attention.
9) In fact, I predict that the outcome is still in doubt until the final 30 seconds, maybe even the final play. As a result of this, I predict that most of the players from the losing team sit on the field shaking their heads for several minutes after the game is over.
10) Final Score: Pittsburgh 24, Denver 20.
Game 2: Carolina at Seattle, 6:30pm EST
1) I predict that this game is not that close, but the announcers will keep reminding us how you can't count out team X (the team that's trailing).
2) I predict that somewhere out there some college kids are playing a drinking game where you take a drink every time the announcers say the word "Hasselbeck."
3) I predict that, while alone on the couch, I break wind at least twice during this game.
4) I predict that I drink one beer during this game.
5) I predict that there is a replay that overturns a call that had gone in Seattle's favor, and the crowd gets all pissy about it, even though the huge stadium TV screens clearly back up the official's decision to overturn.
6) I predict that some of you will agree that the Carolina QB looks a bit like a certain somebody we know, others will not.
7) I predict that Seattle comes badly unraveled during this game, almost like they forgot how to play football. There will be at least one play where they are unable to get the right team on the field and have to call a timeout, or maybe they'll get a penalty for 12 men on the field.
8) I predict that the announcers do not use any "Brokeback Mountain" analogies, such as "With the safety blitzing like that, the corner's all alone out there on Brokeback Mountain" or "Wow, that should have been a penalty -- the runner was already down, and three guys piled on top of him like it was Brokeback Mountain."
9) I predict that Steve Smith scores a touchdown and does a really excellent and completely original TD celebration.
10) Final Score: Carolina 27, Seattle 14.
I know I'm going with two road underdogs here, but that's the way we do things here at verbungle. I don't think Denver and Seattle are as good as their records indicate. Plus, I'm very, very stupid. Feel free to weigh in with your predictions for the games. Closest guess gets 15 G.P.'s. By the way, here is the system we are using to determine who's closest:
The winner is the person who has the lowest total point differential between their guess and the actual score for each team. Example: for Game 1, if you said Denver 29, Pittsburgh 20 and the final score was Pittsburgh 23, Denver 17, you would have a total point differential of 15.
You must pick both games. Tiebreaker will go to the person who picked the winners more accurately.
Only problem is, I follow pro football about as closely as I follow local politics, so my predictions are essentially meaningless. That being the case, I am going to stay away from the traditional "what so and so needs to do" or "so and so's in trouble if" garbage. Instead I will issue several unorthodox predictions per game, and you can rest assured that most of them will prove completely inaccurate.
Game 1: Pittsburgh at Denver, 3pm EST
1) I predict that I miss the first two and a half quarters of this game because I am out shopping with my wife.
2) I predict that at some point in the third quarter, there is a questionable pass interference call on a long pass. I am not sure right now whether it will be a case of an official calling PI when he shouldn't, or failing to call it when he should. I may or may not get back to you on this.
3) I predict that the pre-game show has at least one stupid feature on QB beards.
4) I predict that I eat my share of salty snacks during this game.
5) I predict that somebody throws a really bad interception.
6) I predict that there is one defensive touchdown scored in this game.
7) I predict that I start the laundry during this game.
8) I predict that this game will be close throughout, with lots of "turning points" for the announcers to call to our attention.
9) In fact, I predict that the outcome is still in doubt until the final 30 seconds, maybe even the final play. As a result of this, I predict that most of the players from the losing team sit on the field shaking their heads for several minutes after the game is over.
10) Final Score: Pittsburgh 24, Denver 20.
Game 2: Carolina at Seattle, 6:30pm EST
1) I predict that this game is not that close, but the announcers will keep reminding us how you can't count out team X (the team that's trailing).
2) I predict that somewhere out there some college kids are playing a drinking game where you take a drink every time the announcers say the word "Hasselbeck."
3) I predict that, while alone on the couch, I break wind at least twice during this game.
4) I predict that I drink one beer during this game.
5) I predict that there is a replay that overturns a call that had gone in Seattle's favor, and the crowd gets all pissy about it, even though the huge stadium TV screens clearly back up the official's decision to overturn.
6) I predict that some of you will agree that the Carolina QB looks a bit like a certain somebody we know, others will not.
7) I predict that Seattle comes badly unraveled during this game, almost like they forgot how to play football. There will be at least one play where they are unable to get the right team on the field and have to call a timeout, or maybe they'll get a penalty for 12 men on the field.
8) I predict that the announcers do not use any "Brokeback Mountain" analogies, such as "With the safety blitzing like that, the corner's all alone out there on Brokeback Mountain" or "Wow, that should have been a penalty -- the runner was already down, and three guys piled on top of him like it was Brokeback Mountain."
9) I predict that Steve Smith scores a touchdown and does a really excellent and completely original TD celebration.
10) Final Score: Carolina 27, Seattle 14.
I know I'm going with two road underdogs here, but that's the way we do things here at verbungle. I don't think Denver and Seattle are as good as their records indicate. Plus, I'm very, very stupid. Feel free to weigh in with your predictions for the games. Closest guess gets 15 G.P.'s. By the way, here is the system we are using to determine who's closest:
The winner is the person who has the lowest total point differential between their guess and the actual score for each team. Example: for Game 1, if you said Denver 29, Pittsburgh 20 and the final score was Pittsburgh 23, Denver 17, you would have a total point differential of 15.
You must pick both games. Tiebreaker will go to the person who picked the winners more accurately.
posted by hans q. bungle at 01:54
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