Tuesday, February 28, 2006

You offer better services than your competitors but customers still don’t visit your website?

Starting a busy stretch at work and got off to a horrible start this morning.

Not worth any details, but suffice it to say I had died about seven office deaths by 10:30am.

Struggled but managed to pull the nose up by around noon. Toughed it out thanks to some laughs and a few corn nuts.

Left at 7:30 with my stomach going fizz fizz fazz fuzz after a 20 oz. Coke that I drank for no reason at all.

Spoke to Vic in Chicago who told me about a crazy time-bending dream that he had. If you expanded on this dream you might have a good short story, Vic. Or a movie. In the dream, Vic creates a document to prove that he is from a future era and this document gets sealed and buried until the time he is actually from rolls around on the calendar. I think any time something gets buried you might have a movie. Dilly and I buried something once. When we went to dig it up it was gone. Or maybe we dug in the wrong place.*

Digging holes drunk at 4 in the morning is tough business but usually worth it in the end.

Vic got Cubs tickets today, like a whole bunch of 'em. Ah, the Cubs. They're all alone in their futility now, and I'm sure they like it that way. When I think of them I think of Y2K and sitting in the bleachers gently placing peanuts on the heads of the strangers sitting in front of us. That was freedom.

It's thoughts like those that will get me through the miserable 31 days of March.

March, you overlong, holiday-free sonofabitch, why couldn't you take February's lead and shave off a couple of those extra cold days that hang from the calendar like the unwanted and resilient stray hair on my right shoulder?

Do you actually think you deserve 31 days?

March. Sheesh. Dick.

Dan K., I don't disagree that Larry Bird Flu was less awesome than some of the other submissions. So I won't dock you for suggesting it. However, Larry Bird Flu was what we were looking for so that's what will earn the points. You are free to write an entire novel based around the concept of Morrisononucleosis, and I will probably buy it and give it a 5 star user review on Amazon.com, but you are still not getting near these particular genius points. Same goes for Starks Raving mad, Kelly Tripukin' and all the other awesomer entries.

There will be less room for debate on today's challenge: whodat (13 points)?

I actively look forward to watching "Knicks 101" each week and to scribbling down my thoughts on it soon afterwards. It must be March.

* This is one of the things I recommend you keep good track of if you're ever burying something you want to dig up later.
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