Hey man, you ever try pheromones?

This is the last post that will feature a title lifted from a piece of that day's spam. I hope you enjoyed this experiment.

I ordered the damn Mac, mudderfuggers! I couldn't be more excited about it. I am pretty sure it will provide joy wherever joy is lacking in my life. Unless it's a dud. I get the feeling that about half of them are duds.

Thanks to isired and joe m. and dilly and everybody else who helped me and tolerated me during the decision-making process.

And especially thanks to Ma Bungle for agreeing to get this for me. (And for throwing in a new iPod as well!)

Now I gotta learn how to operate a Mac. Do I just hit F7 a bunch of times?

I was thinking about the famous dickhead line, "That watch cost more than your car" and I thought, Whoever came up with that is as finely attuned to the dickhead thought process as is humanly possible. I guess the first time I heard it was in Glengarry Glen Ross, and it was spoken by Alec Baldwin. The verbungle.com research department recently came across several early drafts of the GGGR script, and when you browse through them you can see that David Mamet was struggling with that line for a long time. Here are a few of his original passes:

Blake: You see these socks? You see these socks?
Dave Moss: Yeah.
Blake: These socks cost more than your house.

Other failed versions end with:
"That mouthwash cost more than your deodorant."
"These sweatpants cost more than your entire sweatsuit."
"These corn chips cost more than your monthly cable bill."
"That rotisserie basketball team cost more than your actual NBA fracnchise."
"That breakfast cereal cost more than your granola bars, and also more than your Ovaltine, but slightly less than the two of them put together."
"That Rickey Henderson rookie card cost more than your complete 1994 Topps set."
"These ben wa balls cost more than your kid's college education."

etc.

I've been real busy at work the last few days and haven't responded to some good questions posed in the comments section. So let me try to knock a few out right now.

BC asks: 22 years of Cold War living and you never worried about a nuclear war?
I respond: Yeah that was kinda scary there for a bit. But never as scary as getting housed by hoods.

Deion asks: how bout the boca burger pts????
I respond: Still working on it. I have some Boca fake chicken patties in the fridge, the ingredients are probably the same as the Boca Burgers, so maybe I'll just check those.

D.Lee asks: you had a crush on Polly?
I respond: Like you didn't know that? We've been over this before, we all know you made out with her at one of your orgy parties. Do you just want me to type it again so you can relive it? There. I just did.

Bumpy Ugly asks: from yesterdays post- do you know if your roommate ever banged chicks in your bed? sort of like doing it in all rooms of the house, your bed included? that's why i used to keep a black light handy when i had a roommate, you'd be amazed where the cum flies.
I respond: sort of. the night after I left for NYC, Christmas break freshman year, the roommate banged one woman in his bed while two other (gross) people did the nasty on my bed, with my roommate's tacit approval. I slept on that bed for like three weeks after that and then I noticed huge yellow stink-stains on the comforter. I asked him about it and he grinned and said something like, "I wasn't going to tell you, but..." I was pretty mad but I was broke and stupid so I just washed the comforter and kept on using it. The humpstains didn't even come out, although they didn't smell as bad after a couple washings.

Finally, G. Web asks: I've been meaning to make a comment that maybe somebody else has already. I find it utterly baffling that you have so much laundry to do every weekend. Even if your baby wears cloth diapers that you reuse, I can't fathom that any couple soils so many clothes/sheets/towels so regularly. On average, I need to do a load or 2 every two weeks or so, and that's without ever pulling out of the hamper. As much as I enjoy your tales of the laundry room encounters, the bottom line is you have an inordinate amount of laundry that requires explanation.
I respond: Hey G. Web, I didn't know you were still reading. Good to hear from you. You know, I was wondering about this myself. About 30% of it is baby-related, even though we use landfill diapers and not resuable. I used to go through a lot of laundry because I was always playing sports, which would usually mean an outift for the day, then a sport outfit, and then a post-shower sleeping outfit. But I have stopped exercising altogether, so that's not it. In the last year or so I have started sleeping in pyjamas, so that's part of it, an extra pair of pyjamas and a long-sleeve T every day. That adds up. And the machines are sorta small. Oh, and we wash and change our sheets periodically. You might want to try that.

Whodat? (6 points)