Quit That
I gave up coffee today.
That might seem like a big deal, but the truth is I've only been drinking coffee with regularity for like 6 months. Before that, maybe 173 cups in my entire lifetime. In college, I wasn't one of those cool kids who walked around campus with a thermos strapped to my over-the-shoulder bag. I wasn't a sleep-deprived, hard-studying, caffeine-slurping hipster. My main drug of choice when faced with extreme tiredness was sleep. I slept. Oh sweet slumber how I miss your touch.
Coffee never really did it for me, until recently. Now I like the iced coffee in the summertime and the hot coffee in the wintertime. I like dipping the dippers in the coffee.
But the coffee turns me into a lunatic. Today I had a cup (my last) around 5pm along with some of them European wafer cookies with the cream in the middle. Holy shit that was good. But when I got home I was feeling all twitchy and nervous. My heart started racing. Then Ma Bungle asked me about something I should have done, casually, like, "Did you remember to do X?" and all of a sudden I realized that I had forgotten to do X, maybe not even forgotten but never even realized that X was something I should have done. And I won't lie to you, X is pretty huge. Neglecting to do X could conceivably change my life forever.
And this combination of events sent me over the top, into a desperate spinning anxiety attack. I haven't felt that bad since my last really bad hangover/whatdidIdo episode back in 2004. I don't miss those and I won't miss caffeine-related freakouts like today's.
So, no more coffee.
It was about 70 degrees in NYC today, and I walked part of the way home from work. I felt inspired by the warm weather. I wonder if I lived somewhere like Southern California where it's 78 degrees every day if 78 degrees would still be inspiring. Probably. Whatever, here's what I decided on the way home. (It's almost heartbreaking to hear it because it's all been said before and none of it will come to pass.)
1. No more coffee. I can't handle it. It makes my heart go thumpa thumpa thumpa.
2. Stop eating things like Euro-cream-wafers. I mean, who the hell am I to eat a big handful of Euro-cream-wafers at 5 o'clock in the afternoon at work? What's next, eating Doritos on the crapper? Seriously, I eat by far the worst food of anybody I know. I am a disaster. And it shows. Just take a look at the transition again. From young feather-haired dreamboat to angry ugly chubby middle-aged shitbag. I was talking to Kissel today and he reminded me of a time when I was good at basketball. What a concept! The funny thing is, I still sort of consider myself good at basketball, because my decline has been gradual and I've been here to watch it every day. So it doesn't seem like a big deal. But if I had a mirror for my game, it wouldn't lie. It would tell me how much I suck. It would say, Hey Hog, stay away from the chunky chews! Drop twenty and then skim off another ten. Like three times in the last five years I've run into someone who I haven't seen in a while and they've said something about how much weight I've gained. And those are just the people who are saying it out loud! I am going to lose fifteen pounds by the end of softball season.
3. Seeing all the people out and about and heading off to bars to drink cold beer made me happy. It made me nostalgic, too; it made me miss certain places and specific people and youth. It reminded me of when I used to think about doing things. You'd get drunk, talk some shit, and occasionally hatch a plan. It could be about a trip you wanted to take, a story you wanted to write, a huge ballsy career switch you wanted to make. You never went through with it the next day, but during the hatching process there was a tremendous amount of excitement, a sense that nobody could stop you from what you wanted to do. I miss hatching plans. I'm gonna do something ambitious in the next six months. You wait and see.
4. Hearing the music piping out of the bars made me want to buy some new music. F the Apple Store, though. I'm going to buy a good old-fasioned CD this weekend. In fact, I think we should all buy CD's in pairs. One old one that you've always wanted but never got around to, and one newer one so you can keep track of what the kids are up to.
That's about it. I also went to the eye doctor today. My eyes have been red for like 12 years. When people aren't telling me how fat I am, they're often letting me know that my eyes are red as hell. And over the last couple of weeks, they've started to get swollen and they're constantly tearing. I was worried I might have the eye-fungus. Turns out it's just allergies. My eye glands are all swole up and my eyeballs are irritated. The doc gave me some drops and told me to switch to a non-multi-purpose contact solution. Other than that, I just have to suffer. It could just be dust or pollen or it could be a specific thing in my life that I just can't abide. I bet it's my new Apple computer. Or my new scrotum cream. Or the baby wookiee I recently adopted.
Jerseys I've owned: Dan Fouts Chargers #14, Kellen Winslow Chargers #80, Walter Berry SJU #21, Davd Rivers Notre Dame #4, David Robinson Naval Academy #50, Patrick Ewing Knicks #33 and Patrick Ewing '92 Dream Team #6 (on sale). Edit: And Steve Kemp Yanks. GP's have been appropriately distributed.
For ten GP's, tell me what hat I wore to high school for like 82 straight days freshman year.
That might seem like a big deal, but the truth is I've only been drinking coffee with regularity for like 6 months. Before that, maybe 173 cups in my entire lifetime. In college, I wasn't one of those cool kids who walked around campus with a thermos strapped to my over-the-shoulder bag. I wasn't a sleep-deprived, hard-studying, caffeine-slurping hipster. My main drug of choice when faced with extreme tiredness was sleep. I slept. Oh sweet slumber how I miss your touch.
Coffee never really did it for me, until recently. Now I like the iced coffee in the summertime and the hot coffee in the wintertime. I like dipping the dippers in the coffee.
But the coffee turns me into a lunatic. Today I had a cup (my last) around 5pm along with some of them European wafer cookies with the cream in the middle. Holy shit that was good. But when I got home I was feeling all twitchy and nervous. My heart started racing. Then Ma Bungle asked me about something I should have done, casually, like, "Did you remember to do X?" and all of a sudden I realized that I had forgotten to do X, maybe not even forgotten but never even realized that X was something I should have done. And I won't lie to you, X is pretty huge. Neglecting to do X could conceivably change my life forever.
And this combination of events sent me over the top, into a desperate spinning anxiety attack. I haven't felt that bad since my last really bad hangover/whatdidIdo episode back in 2004. I don't miss those and I won't miss caffeine-related freakouts like today's.
So, no more coffee.
It was about 70 degrees in NYC today, and I walked part of the way home from work. I felt inspired by the warm weather. I wonder if I lived somewhere like Southern California where it's 78 degrees every day if 78 degrees would still be inspiring. Probably. Whatever, here's what I decided on the way home. (It's almost heartbreaking to hear it because it's all been said before and none of it will come to pass.)
1. No more coffee. I can't handle it. It makes my heart go thumpa thumpa thumpa.
2. Stop eating things like Euro-cream-wafers. I mean, who the hell am I to eat a big handful of Euro-cream-wafers at 5 o'clock in the afternoon at work? What's next, eating Doritos on the crapper? Seriously, I eat by far the worst food of anybody I know. I am a disaster. And it shows. Just take a look at the transition again. From young feather-haired dreamboat to angry ugly chubby middle-aged shitbag. I was talking to Kissel today and he reminded me of a time when I was good at basketball. What a concept! The funny thing is, I still sort of consider myself good at basketball, because my decline has been gradual and I've been here to watch it every day. So it doesn't seem like a big deal. But if I had a mirror for my game, it wouldn't lie. It would tell me how much I suck. It would say, Hey Hog, stay away from the chunky chews! Drop twenty and then skim off another ten. Like three times in the last five years I've run into someone who I haven't seen in a while and they've said something about how much weight I've gained. And those are just the people who are saying it out loud! I am going to lose fifteen pounds by the end of softball season.
3. Seeing all the people out and about and heading off to bars to drink cold beer made me happy. It made me nostalgic, too; it made me miss certain places and specific people and youth. It reminded me of when I used to think about doing things. You'd get drunk, talk some shit, and occasionally hatch a plan. It could be about a trip you wanted to take, a story you wanted to write, a huge ballsy career switch you wanted to make. You never went through with it the next day, but during the hatching process there was a tremendous amount of excitement, a sense that nobody could stop you from what you wanted to do. I miss hatching plans. I'm gonna do something ambitious in the next six months. You wait and see.
4. Hearing the music piping out of the bars made me want to buy some new music. F the Apple Store, though. I'm going to buy a good old-fasioned CD this weekend. In fact, I think we should all buy CD's in pairs. One old one that you've always wanted but never got around to, and one newer one so you can keep track of what the kids are up to.
That's about it. I also went to the eye doctor today. My eyes have been red for like 12 years. When people aren't telling me how fat I am, they're often letting me know that my eyes are red as hell. And over the last couple of weeks, they've started to get swollen and they're constantly tearing. I was worried I might have the eye-fungus. Turns out it's just allergies. My eye glands are all swole up and my eyeballs are irritated. The doc gave me some drops and told me to switch to a non-multi-purpose contact solution. Other than that, I just have to suffer. It could just be dust or pollen or it could be a specific thing in my life that I just can't abide. I bet it's my new Apple computer. Or my new scrotum cream. Or the baby wookiee I recently adopted.
Jerseys I've owned: Dan Fouts Chargers #14, Kellen Winslow Chargers #80, Walter Berry SJU #21, Davd Rivers Notre Dame #4, David Robinson Naval Academy #50, Patrick Ewing Knicks #33 and Patrick Ewing '92 Dream Team #6 (on sale). Edit: And Steve Kemp Yanks. GP's have been appropriately distributed.
For ten GP's, tell me what hat I wore to high school for like 82 straight days freshman year.
posted by hans q. bungle at 00:31
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