Sammy Hagar finished 16th in 1974

It was such a great year of American Idol that my mind is still adjusting to its absence.

Tuesday night I was all...oh.

And I was so into it that I now find myself forgetting that there are indeed musical artists out there who found success through the traditional means of being discovered by record label dudes and signing contracts and touring and all that crap. It seems so outdated.

I'll be like, "What year did Mariah Carey win on Idol? Was that season 2?" Or, "It's amazing that Bruce Springsteen won Idol. His singing isn't what you would describe as good in the standard sense. That must have been some upset on Idol '73. At least runner up Steven Tyler did alright for himself." Or, "When Mozart beat Beethoven in the 1788 final, I cursed myself for not voting."

Then even after I remind myself that my memory is failing me, that they never actually appeared on the show, I sit there and evaulate every singer to guess how they'd have fared if they had been on. I'll be half-listening to the music in a shoestore and I'll be like, "Wilson Pickett. Dude would have won. He had some pipes." Or "Gerardo...I dunno. I don't think so. Kinda pitchy."

I busted out the summer clothes box today. Fellas, if you are considering getting married to your ladies, let me tell you that the summer clothes box is an unexpected bonus. Come late September, my wife packs away all our summer stuff into a box, and then brings it out again in May sometime. It's fun to see all those shirts you forgot about. The only problem is that mine are all ugly. I am a bad dresser and clothes don't look good on me. Except when I wear sweatpants with the jockstrap on the outside. Sweet Jesus that looks good.

cW, Joe M., and Mrsmal be warned: I used y'all as references. You probably won't get a call, but if you do, don't tell 'em about "Beer...bong...beer" or coming in two hours late hungover in a baseball cap and 1982 eyeglasses or how I strongly believe adults can drink as much soda as they please. Just tell 'em I throw hard and move like a dancer.

Papabungleathleteshoutoutdat was a tough one, I guess, and maybe I overestimated his level of resonance with our generation. And possibly I was wrong about his guest-hosting the Dick Cavett show. But whatever the case, the name we were looking for was Bill Russell.

It's time once again for a quick check of the comments section from my lame available band names page. There are some bright young minds out there scouring the internet for band names, huh? I bet their bands are gonna break big someday.

For three points each, name the bad things I did in high school that resulted in phone calls to my parents. I can think of at least three off the top of my head.