zero payoff
Before we go any further on askgirloutdat, I will reveal the answer.
And since I'm me, I will turn it into an unnecessarily long story.
It was my freshman year in college. I had just split up with my high school GF, and I felt like I had earned the right to do real person things like asking girls out on dates.
There was a girl, I think her name was Amy, in my Italian class first semester. Tall, pretty, smart, a little shy. She also lived in the same dorm as me, but in the other tower, so our paths rarely crossed outside of class. However, we got to know each other when the teacher split us into small groups for some stupid exercise and we seemed to have a simple but undeniable chemistry. The kind, I guess, where she'd laugh at my jokes and I'd sneak glances at her long legs when she turned away. Sometimes we'd walk together after class for a few minutes, but never far enough to stop for a cup of coffee or anything.
The semester ended and we no longer had any classes together. A couple of times over the months that followed we'd pass each other on the street or in the dorm and we'd say hello. But it seemed like we'd never capitalize on our humble magic. My little heart drifted around aimlessly for awhile.
Then one night in the middle of second semester our dorm floor was playing a game of Trivial Pursuit in a common area on the first floor. Amy walked in and said hello. I hadn't seen her in weeks. She seemed like maybe she was a bit tipsy, because she joined our game and was uncharacteristically outgoing and playful. She was dressed up like she'd been out on the town, maybe even on a date, and she looked beautiful. She sat next to me and seemed to be genuinely flirting. Which means she was laughing at my jokes with more conviction than usual. At one point I believe she put her hand on my knee. Not in a sexy way, but in a "Stop, you're killing me with your endless stream of successful witticisms" way. I took notice.
And a couple days later, I decided the hell with it, I was going to call her up and ask her out on a date. I was a man, a single man, and we were allowed to do shit like that. So I looked her up in the student directory and I called. It rang. A female voice picked up.
"Hello," said the voice.
"Hello," I said. "Is Amy there?"
"No, she's not here right now," the voice said, not sounding particularly helpful.
"Um, can you tell her Hans from her Italian class called?"
"Yeah, sure." said the voice.
"Can I leave my number?" I asked.
"Uh, sure." she said, still not sounding too enthused. I tried but couldn't hear the comforting sound of hand reaching for paper and pen.
"It's 608-264-4078," I said.
"OK, got it," she said.
"Thanks. Goodbye."
"Bye."
I never heard from Amy again. I saw her on the street once like a year later but she didn't see me and I didn't say hello.
1) What do you think happened after I hung up the phone?
2) Is it possible that it was Amy herself answering the phone and pretending to be her roommate so she could blow me off with greater ease?
3) Assuming the answer to question 2 is "no", what would have happend had Amhy answered the phone?
Last night I laid down some kwachas on Martha Wainwright's Letterman performance. Today, through the magic of youtube, I present it to you (assuming it hasn't been yanked by the copyright cops already):
And since I'm me, I will turn it into an unnecessarily long story.
It was my freshman year in college. I had just split up with my high school GF, and I felt like I had earned the right to do real person things like asking girls out on dates.
There was a girl, I think her name was Amy, in my Italian class first semester. Tall, pretty, smart, a little shy. She also lived in the same dorm as me, but in the other tower, so our paths rarely crossed outside of class. However, we got to know each other when the teacher split us into small groups for some stupid exercise and we seemed to have a simple but undeniable chemistry. The kind, I guess, where she'd laugh at my jokes and I'd sneak glances at her long legs when she turned away. Sometimes we'd walk together after class for a few minutes, but never far enough to stop for a cup of coffee or anything.
The semester ended and we no longer had any classes together. A couple of times over the months that followed we'd pass each other on the street or in the dorm and we'd say hello. But it seemed like we'd never capitalize on our humble magic. My little heart drifted around aimlessly for awhile.
Then one night in the middle of second semester our dorm floor was playing a game of Trivial Pursuit in a common area on the first floor. Amy walked in and said hello. I hadn't seen her in weeks. She seemed like maybe she was a bit tipsy, because she joined our game and was uncharacteristically outgoing and playful. She was dressed up like she'd been out on the town, maybe even on a date, and she looked beautiful. She sat next to me and seemed to be genuinely flirting. Which means she was laughing at my jokes with more conviction than usual. At one point I believe she put her hand on my knee. Not in a sexy way, but in a "Stop, you're killing me with your endless stream of successful witticisms" way. I took notice.
And a couple days later, I decided the hell with it, I was going to call her up and ask her out on a date. I was a man, a single man, and we were allowed to do shit like that. So I looked her up in the student directory and I called. It rang. A female voice picked up.
"Hello," said the voice.
"Hello," I said. "Is Amy there?"
"No, she's not here right now," the voice said, not sounding particularly helpful.
"Um, can you tell her Hans from her Italian class called?"
"Yeah, sure." said the voice.
"Can I leave my number?" I asked.
"Uh, sure." she said, still not sounding too enthused. I tried but couldn't hear the comforting sound of hand reaching for paper and pen.
"It's 608-264-4078," I said.
"OK, got it," she said.
"Thanks. Goodbye."
"Bye."
I never heard from Amy again. I saw her on the street once like a year later but she didn't see me and I didn't say hello.
1) What do you think happened after I hung up the phone?
2) Is it possible that it was Amy herself answering the phone and pretending to be her roommate so she could blow me off with greater ease?
3) Assuming the answer to question 2 is "no", what would have happend had Amhy answered the phone?
***
Last night I laid down some kwachas on Martha Wainwright's Letterman performance. Today, through the magic of youtube, I present it to you (assuming it hasn't been yanked by the copyright cops already):
posted by hans q. bungle at 00:04
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