Thiefin'
I intend to get nearly a full post out of yesterday's leftovers.
Before I do, let me alert you that a snazzy new IM-style softball recap is up, blinking its eyes, and breathing the same air as you and me courtesy of Pete and Dan.
Now on to yesterday's stolenbydrunkhansdat challenge.
As a preface, I would like to say that I consider myself for the most part an honest and decent man; I try not to lie more than I have to, and I never steal from anybody. Even when I was a kid I never shoplifted or anything. However, there was a period of my life, say from 1988-1995, where I would occasionally get real drunk and start taking shit that didn't belong to me. It was purely for the thrill of it, the chance that I might get caught. I'm not proud of it. I look back on it with a mixture of mild amusement and complete shame.
OK, disclaimer over, let's get to the scoring:
"st" suggests:
-panties
-Mercedes Hood Ornament
Never stole panties as far as I can recall, and I never stole a Mercedes hood ornament. But I did steal a Cadillac hood ornament one night in maybe 1988. As my friend N and I stumbled home from The Back Fence, one of those horrible Bleecker Street bars that don't seem so horrible when they are serving your underage ass beer after frosty beer, we suddenly came down with hood ornament fever. We tried to break off as many as we could, and I think we each ended up with maybe two. This may be the theft I am most ashamed of. We'll give you 2 points for one half-right answer.
Dipak comes at us with some safe bets:
-beer mugs
-ashtrays
-toilet paper
-Bud Light signs
Beer mugs, yeah I'm pretty sure I stole me some beer mugs back in the day. Same for ashtrays. Toilet paper? Possible, but I'd need my memory jostled so no points there. Bud Light signs? Not that I can recall. Pretty sure that's a no. So Dipak gets a total of 8 points.
Moncrief drops in from Minnesota with a couple of good guesses:
-road sign
-cow
Road sign is a "yes" -- I tried this about eight times, but the only one I ever got was an "Authorized Vehicles Only" sign that I ripped off from a hospital parking lot somewhere in Madison in 1990. Don't remember what hospital even. I was walking home alone after a big night and I got lost, so naturally I began to steal stuff. This sign took about three minutes of good shaking to pry loose, and if I remember correctly the theft was in full view of the hospital lobby. I carried it home across fields and streets and when I finally got to my door I had an attack of guilt. To be more accurate it was probably an attack of fear, fear of getting caught. Didn't they always say stealing road signs was a major no-no and you'd get thrown in the slammer if you got busted? Whatever the case, I stumbled three doors down the block from my apartment and knocked on the door of a neighbor who I knew was a genuine badass. He had a python and a bunch of tattoos and he already owned like ten road signs. It was probably 3am, but he let me in and accepted the sign. Then I went home and passed out.
Never stole a cow.
4 points for The Crief.
Freshly annointed genius cW comes up with three suggestions that are all right on the money. He knew this, of course, because he was involved with each theft.
-napkin dispenser
-bar glasses
-potted plant
The napkin dispenser and bar glasses came in the same night in maybe 1995, again at lame Bleecker Street bars. We had stolen the (Cutty Sark) napkin dispenser from one bar and then we headed on over to the next place to continue our crime spree. We had popped about eight pint glasses into my backpack when all of a sudden the bouncer tapped us on the shoulder. Oops. We were busted -- in fact, I bet the guy said something like, "You're cold busted!" as he made his move. He began pulling glass after glass out of the bag and finally got to the Cutty Sark napkin dispenser. We stopped him.
"Dude, we took that from a different bar," we said.
He couldn't argue -- they didn't have any dispensers like that in the place. He gave it back and kicked us out. But we got to keep our dispenser.
As for the plant, that was more cW's theft, with a couple of us acting as lookouts. He grabbed this 40 pound ficus plant from the Blue and Gold around that same time period, and he just marched it right on out of the premises when the little old lady had her back turned. I think he kept that thing for a few years, too. We'll give cW 10 points for his trouble.
DLee has five guesses:
-doritos
-beer
-gum
-porn
-gummy bears
Strangely, the only one I know for sure I've stolen is beer. Maybe 27 times. I remember once in Madison I had not a red cent to my name and I had gotten separated from my group. It was late, I was in an extremely crowded bar called Madhatters on University Avenue and I was all alone. I grabbed somebody's empty pitcher off the bar, slid it under the tap while the bartender had his head turned, and began filling it. I took my hand off the handle and just let it continue to fill while I looked away innocently. When it was full, I quickly shut off the tap and grabbed the pitcher. Free beer!
I assume I've stolen some of those other things too so I'll give DLee 8 points.
Kois guesses:
-salt shaker
-coke machine
-virginity
Good, clever guesses. But regrettably only salt shaker is correct. 4 points for Kois.
Vic chimes in with:
-construction sawhorse thingies
-darts
-IHOP breakfast
-giant wooden homecoming float fish
All correct, of course, because he was there for each one. 16 points for Vic, and we'll have the story of the stolen homecoming float in an upcoming Trayline post.
So there you have it. Other answers we would have accepted include:
-motorboat (failed)
-rowboat (stolen temporarily in order to access and hopefully steal motorboat)
-crane (failed)
-mini-basketball from pop-a-shot game (succeeded in getting it out of the bar, but busted when I came back and waved it in front of the window in triumph)
-cigarettes
-umbrella
-mixing glass
-shot glasses
-T-shirts (failed)
-bicycle
I'm sure there are more, unfortunately. If you name one that's not on any of these lists, we'll still give you the points.
For ten points, tell me what I was doing when I found out Thurman Munson died in 1979.
Before I do, let me alert you that a snazzy new IM-style softball recap is up, blinking its eyes, and breathing the same air as you and me courtesy of Pete and Dan.
Now on to yesterday's stolenbydrunkhansdat challenge.
As a preface, I would like to say that I consider myself for the most part an honest and decent man; I try not to lie more than I have to, and I never steal from anybody. Even when I was a kid I never shoplifted or anything. However, there was a period of my life, say from 1988-1995, where I would occasionally get real drunk and start taking shit that didn't belong to me. It was purely for the thrill of it, the chance that I might get caught. I'm not proud of it. I look back on it with a mixture of mild amusement and complete shame.
OK, disclaimer over, let's get to the scoring:
"st" suggests:
-panties
-Mercedes Hood Ornament
Never stole panties as far as I can recall, and I never stole a Mercedes hood ornament. But I did steal a Cadillac hood ornament one night in maybe 1988. As my friend N and I stumbled home from The Back Fence, one of those horrible Bleecker Street bars that don't seem so horrible when they are serving your underage ass beer after frosty beer, we suddenly came down with hood ornament fever. We tried to break off as many as we could, and I think we each ended up with maybe two. This may be the theft I am most ashamed of. We'll give you 2 points for one half-right answer.
Dipak comes at us with some safe bets:
-beer mugs
-ashtrays
-toilet paper
-Bud Light signs
Beer mugs, yeah I'm pretty sure I stole me some beer mugs back in the day. Same for ashtrays. Toilet paper? Possible, but I'd need my memory jostled so no points there. Bud Light signs? Not that I can recall. Pretty sure that's a no. So Dipak gets a total of 8 points.
Moncrief drops in from Minnesota with a couple of good guesses:
-road sign
-cow
Road sign is a "yes" -- I tried this about eight times, but the only one I ever got was an "Authorized Vehicles Only" sign that I ripped off from a hospital parking lot somewhere in Madison in 1990. Don't remember what hospital even. I was walking home alone after a big night and I got lost, so naturally I began to steal stuff. This sign took about three minutes of good shaking to pry loose, and if I remember correctly the theft was in full view of the hospital lobby. I carried it home across fields and streets and when I finally got to my door I had an attack of guilt. To be more accurate it was probably an attack of fear, fear of getting caught. Didn't they always say stealing road signs was a major no-no and you'd get thrown in the slammer if you got busted? Whatever the case, I stumbled three doors down the block from my apartment and knocked on the door of a neighbor who I knew was a genuine badass. He had a python and a bunch of tattoos and he already owned like ten road signs. It was probably 3am, but he let me in and accepted the sign. Then I went home and passed out.
Never stole a cow.
4 points for The Crief.
Freshly annointed genius cW comes up with three suggestions that are all right on the money. He knew this, of course, because he was involved with each theft.
-napkin dispenser
-bar glasses
-potted plant
The napkin dispenser and bar glasses came in the same night in maybe 1995, again at lame Bleecker Street bars. We had stolen the (Cutty Sark) napkin dispenser from one bar and then we headed on over to the next place to continue our crime spree. We had popped about eight pint glasses into my backpack when all of a sudden the bouncer tapped us on the shoulder. Oops. We were busted -- in fact, I bet the guy said something like, "You're cold busted!" as he made his move. He began pulling glass after glass out of the bag and finally got to the Cutty Sark napkin dispenser. We stopped him.
"Dude, we took that from a different bar," we said.
He couldn't argue -- they didn't have any dispensers like that in the place. He gave it back and kicked us out. But we got to keep our dispenser.
As for the plant, that was more cW's theft, with a couple of us acting as lookouts. He grabbed this 40 pound ficus plant from the Blue and Gold around that same time period, and he just marched it right on out of the premises when the little old lady had her back turned. I think he kept that thing for a few years, too. We'll give cW 10 points for his trouble.
DLee has five guesses:
-doritos
-beer
-gum
-porn
-gummy bears
Strangely, the only one I know for sure I've stolen is beer. Maybe 27 times. I remember once in Madison I had not a red cent to my name and I had gotten separated from my group. It was late, I was in an extremely crowded bar called Madhatters on University Avenue and I was all alone. I grabbed somebody's empty pitcher off the bar, slid it under the tap while the bartender had his head turned, and began filling it. I took my hand off the handle and just let it continue to fill while I looked away innocently. When it was full, I quickly shut off the tap and grabbed the pitcher. Free beer!
I assume I've stolen some of those other things too so I'll give DLee 8 points.
Kois guesses:
-salt shaker
-coke machine
-virginity
Good, clever guesses. But regrettably only salt shaker is correct. 4 points for Kois.
Vic chimes in with:
-construction sawhorse thingies
-darts
-IHOP breakfast
-giant wooden homecoming float fish
All correct, of course, because he was there for each one. 16 points for Vic, and we'll have the story of the stolen homecoming float in an upcoming Trayline post.
So there you have it. Other answers we would have accepted include:
-motorboat (failed)
-rowboat (stolen temporarily in order to access and hopefully steal motorboat)
-crane (failed)
-mini-basketball from pop-a-shot game (succeeded in getting it out of the bar, but busted when I came back and waved it in front of the window in triumph)
-cigarettes
-umbrella
-mixing glass
-shot glasses
-T-shirts (failed)
-bicycle
I'm sure there are more, unfortunately. If you name one that's not on any of these lists, we'll still give you the points.
For ten points, tell me what I was doing when I found out Thurman Munson died in 1979.
posted by hans q. bungle at 01:32
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