not much today

What is more likely to happen in the next twelve months:
a) I will steal a car
or
b) I will see "Stomp"?

I don't read the NY Post, but that doesn't mean I can't walk by the newsstand and admire their continuing excellence in the headline department. Yesterday's front page(!) story on Randy Johnson's love child was accompanied by the simple phrase "Little Unit." Nice.

After further thought, I retract my desire to have more geeky stat losers announcing baseball games, I hate them as much as I hate the idiotic ex-players. Again I ask, why not a smart, open-minded ex-player or two? Jim Bouton may be available. How much fun would he be during Yankee games, especially if he kept it real with some old womanizin', drinkin', and greenie-poppin' stories? Btw, Bouton argues that greenies are not comparable to steroids because they weren't used to enhance performance, but merely to recover from drinking binges, to restore performance. I like it.

My stress level is at a 39.25 (on a scale of 43.79) right now. I need a couple of breaks to go my way.

Weirdly, the day after I restored my iPod and spent a few hours catching up with the Replacements, a photo appeared and then disappeared on the internets that showed the remaining members (minus Slim) possibly recording together. Stay tuned if you like depressing reunion tours.

Why are we here? Five points for each decent answer.

what, no vereen?

I will save the baseball nonsense for the second half of this post, that way you baseball haters can just read this part and then move on to whatever site suits your microscopic commie hearts.

It was real nice to hear music on the way to work today, and not just any music, my favorite music. I won't lie: I put the Mats on shuffle and surrendered to their brilliance for the 22 minutes each way. I missed them. After listening closely to "I Will Dare" for the 7000th time, I think I might be back in the "bacon and a cigarette's a lousy dinner" camp.

Work is pretty challenging right now, I am doing something I haven't really done before. Good experience, as they say. Long damn hours, as they say.

You know what show is good, and you can just tune in at any part of the show and get caught up in it? Deadliest Catch, that show on Discovery channel about the crab fishermen in the Bering Sea who have like the world's most life-threatening job. Fascinating. Those guys are probably tougher than me. The show also reminds me that crabs are gross.

Good job on muppetdat. What an outpouring of nostalgic glory. I guess I know where we all were every Monday night at 7:30 from 1976-1981. I used to love that damn show, really loved it. I wonder if it holds up today. I was in love with Bernadette Peters back then, and I'm guessing you were too. Here then is the official guest tally, interesting to note that nobody ever hosted twice.

And here is our scoring:
D. Lee: 19 (10 correct, 1 incorrect)
cW: 25 (13 correct, 1 incorrect (alda) and several that had already been said for which he will not receive credit)
finn: 2 (1 correct)
PBdotC: 2 (1 correct)
Joe: -1 (1 incorrect)
dipak: -2 (2 incorrect)
the real bc mi: -3 (2 correct, 7 incorrect)
imposter bc mi: not counting your points because you are penalized for impostering

That shit was fun. Today for ten points, tell me what Paul Shaffer's Blues Brothers nickname was. And don't google. Now on to a leftover baseball post.


There was a time, I suppose, when sportswriters and sportscasters knew way more about baseball than the fans they were writing for and speaking to. This time was known as the 1950's. It's not that the writers and announcers knew all that much; it's just that the fans knew so little and were happy to believe whatever they were told by the "experts" who covered these games for a living.

There wasn't a great need for deep statistical research or analysis. It was just sports, just a game, just fun. If Ernie Harwell told you that Al Kaline was the best right fielder in the American League, then goddammit Al Kaline was the best right fielder in the American League.

But somewhere along the line (late 70's-early 80's?), for some reason (post-Watergate disillusionment?), sports fans started demanding a little more. They wanted facts to back up opinions, and when they didn't get 'em from their trusted sources in the media, they started finding the facts themselves and forming their own opinions based on these facts. In short, sports fans started getting smarter. And geekier. And more obsessed. The internet just gave these people someplace to go.

One thing that these fans discovered is that conventional stats don't often tell the entire story about a player, a team, or a strategy. The geeks wanted new stats, and they went ahead and created them. After much trial and error, many of these new stats became generally accepted in the fan universe. Sure, some fans weren't nearly as smart as they thought they were, but eventually their ideas were weeded out and replaced by smarter ideas. Sort of the way all other fields of knowledge work. An idea is brilliant until it's replaced by a newer and better one.

Despite these statistical advances and the vastly different picture they painted of the game itself, the old media just continued to trot out the same old conventional-wisdom-spouting "experts" who continued to lay down the same old bullshit that they'd been laying down for 100 years. In fact, they continue doing it to this day, as FJM courageously highlights. The time has come when the fans know more than the announcers. John Kruk, Jeff Brantley, Joe Morgan and their ilk insult the intelligence of even the average-IQ'd fan on a nightly basis.

Why do they hire these guys? To me, it's typical corporate decision-making, meaning it's made out of fear. The people with hiring power would rather slot in a big name, an ex-player, than take a risk on somebody who might actually study the game on a level deeper than hit ball, run fast. Surely there are some people out there who fit both requirements, an ex-player who can break down the physical mechanics of the game based on personal experience but is also open-minded enough to accept new philosophies and statistics as they continue to develop. I just haven't seen the guy.

Most ex-jocks have an immediate insecure knee-jerk rejection toward anything that they weren't taught by their little league coach. Closed-mindedness prevails in all levels of sports coverage. For ex-jocks, it's their unique ability to tune out doubt and focus on the pure physical demands of their sport that got them to the pros in the first place. You're not going to find much radical thinking in that universe.

Here's an example of how much dumber the average sportscaster is than the average fan. One time Roger Clemens was pitching for the Yanks, and every time he struck somebody out a clever fan was hanging up a picture of Mark Twain (nee Samuel Langhorne Clemens). The fan was smart and I think most people at home watching the game figured it out and were amused. But the Yankee announcers had no idea what the connection was for like two innings: "I don't get it. What does Einstein have to do with Clemens?" they kept saying, until a fan called in and said, "You idiots, that's not Einstein, it's Mark Twain." The announcers felt pretty stupid. Because they are.

this kool-aid is terrific

I have a nice baseball post like 75% typed up and ready to go, but we need to put it on hold so I can give you some breaking news from my personal life.

My Mac arrived today. (Deion, I know you don't give a shit and I don't blame you. So if you and anyone else want to tune out now, feel free.)

As soon as I looked at the box, I knew I was a sucker for this thing. Here are my initial thoughts.

It's wonderful, I can't honestly understand how a hunk of metal could make me so happy. But it does. I don't want to be away from it.

Observations:
-I don't have the "whine" that so many users have been complaining about. At least I don't have it yet. This thing is as quiet as a mouse. EDIT: I do have the whining sound, it's terrible, but it only comes on when I'm on battery power. DOUBLE EDIT: I unplugged a USB cable and it seems to be gone.
-Apple likes to say that their computers "just work," meaning you just pop 'em out of the box and you're up and running like a wild coyote. That was partly true but not totally. It took me two hours to connect to the internet, and as always happens when I set up a new computer, it suddenly worked and I have no idea what I did to make it work. If I had to set up another computer like this, I would fumble around again for two hours and then it would suddenly work.
-The thing is much faster than my old computer, especially in programs like iTunes. I imported all my music which I had saved to CD as MP3 files, and it took about 45 minutes for 2000 songs. I just dragged 'em into iTunes, and they all went right where they were supposed to go. Cool. I am fucking excited as hell to have more than 27 songs to listen to for a change.
-I reformatted the iPod for the Mac and it was no problem, and then I synched it with the computer and now I'm loaded up for the trip to work tomorrow.
-the keyboard is pretty good but it'll take some getting used to. Caps Lock in particular has been jumping into all my shit.
-one thing that may not be mac-specific but I am digging anyway is the two finger scroll on the trackpad. In other words, if I have one finger on the pad, the cursor moves wherever I want. If I put two on there, it's like holding down the mouse button, I can just scroll wherever I need to go. Even up your ass.
-the keyboard lights up when the lights in the room go dim, which is cool as hell.
-it's got a built-in camera which you can use for chatting with your buddies. I can only imagine the perverted shit that people are up to with that thing. I bet some suckas is gonna get burnt on that. Careful, fellas.
-the muthafucka is HOT. Not just underneaf, either. The places where your hands rest get hot. Not enough to burn, but enough to be annoying and to make me worry about damage to the internal parts.
-the Apple programs are really nice, all of 'em I bet. It'll take me a while to learn, but I am going to enjoy the process.
-the display is good, lthough not as good as my old Toshiba and you need to look at it directly to see it properly. This is problematic if you are standing up because the screen does not open very far. Kind of a screwup on Apple's part there.
-I was able to import video from my camera, which is a relief.
-got my email set up in about 19 seconds.
-will put in my photos and stuff tomorrow. Should be fun. Have to figure out a way to publish stuff to the internets from my computer. Anybody know? Is there an FTP program I should be using?

I still gotta figure out a ton of shit, so I will bore you with more later. My initial reaction is one of deep jizzmatic triumph. Dose me, Jobs!

***

Alright, we got a couple of disagreements about my assessment of "South Park" yesterday. I guess my relationship with that show is like Billy Packer's relationship with the Missouri Valley Conference: I don't like it, but I don't watch it, so I'm probably wrong. But I am not going to admit it.

For 2 GP's each, please name as many Muppet Show guest hosts as you can. Here's a new twist: for every wrong answer you will be docked a point.

Celebrity Roundup

I read me some Us Weekly from time to time (time to time = weekly). And because of that I am somewhat of an expert on pop culture in general and in particular on Charlie Sheen's continuing efforts to be a better man. So let's put that expertise to work. You may not agree with the following statements, but in honor of Chris Daughtry's refusal to compromise, I'ma say 'em anyway. If you don't like it, you can read about a young man losing control of his bodily functions in the most recent installment of Trayline. That'll make ya feel better. In the meantime:

1. You know what needs to stop? Rich people playing poker. The whole point of gambling is that you're putting yourself at risk, you have something on the line. Your life sucks and you're taking what little you have and plopping it down under the unrealistic romantic hope that you'll turn it into something bigger and better and get those hoods off your back and get out of this stinkin' town and make a new life for you and your lady once and forever. Or at least: man if I win thirty bucks tonight I can go buy myself some cool thirty dollar shit. When a multi-millionaire like Ben Affleck goes to Vegas and blows eight grand in a night, what the fuck is that? He doesn't care. He basically wagered nothing. And frankly poker is not a good enough game to stand on its own without the element of financial risk. That's why nobody plays poker without money being involved. Except douchewads like Ben Affleck.

2. I was thinking about the whole South Park/Scientology showdown, not so much the Isaac Hayes part but the Tom Cruise part. At first I was all: Go South Park fans! Stop this insane censorship effort by weirdo Tom and his weirdo cult and stand up for freedom of speech! Then I thought about it, and I put myself in Tom Cruise's shoes:
-I am a freak
-South Park ran an episode that could be described as a pretty vicious personal attack on me. In this episode, they made allegations about my sexuality, a subject which has always been incredibly private to me. Joke or not, I found this deeply hurtful.
-I am now doing a movie for the same Corporate Monster that airs South Park
-I am a huge fucking movie star and my tireless promotion of every project I appear in is part of what makes me so bankable
-The Corporate Monster wants to air the hurtful show again

Well, wouldn't I consider pulling out of the promotion blitz to stop them from re-airing the hurtful show? Fuck yes I would. Whether Crazy Tom actually pulled this move or not, I wouldn't blame him if he did. He's sticking up for himself using the tools that are available to him. As for Comedy Central caving, it doesn't surprise me. Companies have bottom lines. When you own a thousand different media outlets, you're occasionally going to come across conflicts of interest like this one. If the show hadn't already aired, I'd consider it a way bigger deal.

Plus, shouldn't the fans start by boycotting Comedy Central, not Mission Impossible III? If there is a villain here it's CC more than it is Cruise.

Plus I have never found South Park all that funny. Their humor is about as subtle as Tom Cruise's acting.

Sorry.

I'm still with ya if ya hate Scientology and think Tom Cruise is one loony mcnugget.

3) Let's talk Federline for a moment. You know you want to. Like a lot of people, I have become fascinated with K-Fed as a public figure. As much as I salute him for taking his no-talent, crappy-attitude, pretty-much-useless ass to the bank by seducing young, dumb Mrs. Spears, I also find myself sharing the public's distaste for him for those very same reasons.

We're all, Kevin, you ruined Britney! She had it all until she met you! Bastard! Look at her now! FUPA all hangin' out, walking barefoot in Texaco bathrooms, driving her ugly baby around town without a carseat. How could you do this to her?

Then I thought about it, and I realized Britney deserves 97% of the blame for whatever problems they're having. Here's why:

Britney fell in love with Kevin because he was a drinkin', smokin', stay out all night, low-ridin'- pants-wearin' doofus who gave off a devil-may-care attitude with some degree of success. For lack of a better term, he was a bad boy. The fact that he had two kids with another woman just made him more appealing to young dumb Britney.

Now they've been married for awhile, and K-Fed is a drinkin', smokin', stay out all night, low-ridin'-pants-wearin' doofus who gives off a devil-may-care attitude with some degree of success. He hasn't changed a bit. So it must be sort of tough for him to be constantly blamed for being such a bastard, when he's just being true to himself.

Britney's the one who's changed. Just look at her. K-Fed is probably all, damn, I started dating you when you were a huge superstar, a hot little sexpot dancing around with snakes and making out with Madonna. Now you just sit around all day eating Doritos and watching Judge Mathis and you can't sell any records to save your life. Get it together, Brit, or I'm gone. Don't think I won't leave you with a little baby to take care of, either.

Hulkster says: Blame goes to Britney.

***

Thank you for your Morrison Moustache entries: Here they are in chronological order:
-Upperlip Skid-mark
-Shitlip
-Sharpie Sanchez
-The Sweaty Soup Strainer

We like 'em all, so we'll give each of you four points for your efforts. Now tell me, for eight points, whodat?

Gone like Zaga

I'm not going to go into great detail or give you a precise explanation of how it happened, but I'm about 75% sure I accidentally gave the nanny some extended full frontal nudity after I got out of the shower this morning. Lucky lady. The Bungle Bits.

Lots of exciting and frustrating NCAA action tonight. First off, my HD/SD trick worked like a charm. Ch. 702 was staying with the Gonzaga game so I went over to Ch. 2 to watch the end of the WVU game. Thrilling ending, nice to see Pittsnogle come back from that blow to the face to hit the huge three, and cowboy hats off to Texas for coming right back with their own three to win.

Once that game was over, I flipped back to Gonzaga in HD. Fantastic game, but Gonzaga really folded in just about every way possible at the end. Here are some things that annoyed me about this game:

1. Batista is like a big expressionless zombie out there, I couldn't believe how passive he was with the ball on the last possession. What a Suckerbutt.
2. Did Gonzaga have any timeouts after UCLA hit the layup to go ahead? Ravio or whatever his face is was dribbling up the court like a crazed dog, so I am thinking they didn't. If they did, he needed to fucking call one.
3. When he got stripped and there was a tie-up on the floor, at least a second appeared to tick off the clock after the whistle blew, from like 3.6 to 2.6 or something. A huge damn second and neither the refs nor the announcers took another look at it. Wtf?
4. That said, UCLA was getting ripped off by the refs for much of the game.
5. Morrison. Dude, there is no crying in basketball. At least not until the game is over. I really like a lot of things about this guy, but what a baby. There was still a couple seconds left and he's out there with the quivering lower lip and the defeated, glazed look on his face. And that moustache has ceased to be amusing. Dump it like the girl you made out with at summer camp. I was impressed that Morrison was able to get shots off down the stretch under heavy pressure, but they were bad shots and they didn't come close to going in. He needs to either create better opportunities for himself or kick it to someone else. And stop crying. After the game I guess it's OK to cry, it was a devastating loss. But until then, buck up. Did Larry Bird ever cry? How about Larry "Bud" Mellman?
6. Gonzaga played the last three minutes or so as if they had it won. Just settling for crappy shots and showing no killer instinct at all.
7. Morrison's tearfest was kind of Duke-like. Speaking of which, it was satisfying to see Duke lose, as it always is. This is going to sound weird, but I don't actually hate JJ Redick. I know I should, but the dude seems like a perfectly nice guy. Wonder what he'll be in the NBA.

I was thinking about how avidly I used to read The Onion, how proud of it I was, and how little I care about it today. It's like they settled on a formula, the Onion formula, and somehow that formula just stopped being funny. I don't exactly know why, maybe just overkill.

I was going to hit you with another installment of Trayline today (3:44pm edit: IS NOW UP). It's all typed up, just needs to be read over once or twice before I hit "publish." The only thing holding me back is that I might be giving a little TMI in this post. It's pretty rough in a number of ways. It might make you uncomfortable, so imagine how it'll make me feel -- I lived it. I might need to edit this one a li'l bit. Or just post it for like 6 hours and then take it down. Watch for it today or tomorrow.

Thanks for the ISguygiftdat suggestions. If I choose one the GP's will be deposited in the appropriate account. Also, very nice entries on NBAall-starweekendattractiondat. You have all been credited the points you're owed.

Since Adam Morrison will undoubtedly be shaving that shit under his nose now, we should come up with a name for it so we know what to write on its little moustache tombstone. For eight points each, one submission per person, please suggest a name. Example: The Anorexic Caterpillar.

IS MVP '06

So remember a few weeks back when I was telling you about "Kevin" (not his real name), our IS Guy who defies all IS Guy stereotypes with his helpful attitude and warm personality? Well, today he did it again.

I brought back the sleeve that he had lent me to externalize my old hard drive, and when I returned it he asked if it had worked. I told him that BJL and I had limited success accessing the hard drive, although BJL was able to mirror it onto his own drive so there was still hope. "Kevin" said that if I wanted to bring in the drive he'd take a crack at it.

Unheard of.

I happen to have it with me, I said. So he took it downstairs and plugged it into a Mac and was able to open and access ALL MY FILES. He then burned DVD's for me so I am back in business. No photos lost. He only copied the files I asked him to, so I may have missed a couple things. But the good news is that I can access them again if I need to, assuming my Mac has the magic touch as well.

So I need to get something for him, some small gift to show my appreciation. Suggestions please, if someone comes up with a real good one that I actually use, we'll toss ten GP's into their gunnysack. He's a sports fan, I think the Mets are his team.

Valsmal sent me this excellent blog link today. Some people come up with good shit, don't know how they do it. It made me nostalgic for the funny pages, actually. It took me back to high school, skipping class and sitting on a bench with my pleasure-pak of Daily News, Gummi Bears and Wrigley's Spearmint. Maybe it's not actually such a good memory. But the blog is good. Had I known that Rex Morgan, M.D. was loaded with so many priceless homoerotic overtones, I might have been actually read it once or twice over the years.

Once again I have a decent idea for a list, and once again I lack the time or energy to complete it. So let's do it together. Five points for each reasonably decent addition to the list, one submission per person, please. Even vaguely racist suggestions will not be accepted.

Least Popular Attractions at NBA All-Star Weekend:

1. George Karl Kissing Booth

Thanks.

So my Mac is still sitting in a Shanghai FedEx location, should go out today and I should have it within four or five days. I am foaming at the mouth. The more I think about it, the more I want to set up a dual-boot system with Windows XP as an option. That is tremendously cool that you can do that, I only wish it was a little easier and a little more officially-sanctioned. This is interesting, especially because I have Adobe Photoshop Elements for Windows and I'd love to use it on the Mac until they release a new Mac-Intel version.

As for Lindberghdat, an anonymous poster was right on the money at 33 hours 30 minutes. Is that you, BC MI? Come collect your pernts.

suckers

It's 1:18 am and I'm drinking a 32 oz. Blue Powerade. I might drink the whole thing, too. That's because I'm all grown up and I can do that. It's not as good as Gatorade, btw. Too sweet.

Today I was dehydrated. Pissing, drinking, pissing. Too much salty food plus the early stages of adult onset diabetes no doubt.

I'd like to send a thick load of kwachas to all the people out there in the world who just suck at life. You never fail to impress me with your consistent ability to produce substandard work and to perform badly in all human functions, making my own often mediocre efforts look inspired by comparison. I mean, I am pretty lousy at a lot of stuff, but you -- you really put me to shame. You suck! I don't know how you do it. You're the best.

Like A.J. Soprano. That kid sucks! And all you people out there who get fired from some easy job for incompetence, well, you must suck pretty bad yourselves. Jaret Wright -- you suck plenty. Billy Packer, man you suck in plain view of the world and nobody even thinks to stop you. GWB, I think you're even starting to realize you suck. You are like 0 for 39 since you took office. That sucks! You're lousy at presidenting!

Enough about those who suck. On to those who run with great swiftness. MDilly would indeed yell "Bang!" and pantomime a pistol shot at his opponent when he was running his fly pattern. He would refer to that moment, the instant when he separated himself with a ridiculous speed burst, as the (insert opponent's last name) Barrier. As in, "I just broke the Peterson Barrier, did you hear the bang?" The "Bang" and accompanying pistol gesture evolved from a rather immature game we used to play while driving on the highway during long trips. Every time we passed a car, we would make eye contact with the driver and then hit them with the pistol move while mouthing (or yelling) the word "Bang!" Incidentally, that move goes over way better on I-94 in Northwest Wisconsin than it does on the Sprain Parkway in the Bronx. Whatever, we mostly used it among ourselves when we had multiple cars going to the same destination.

"Bang!"

It still cracks my juvenile ass up for some reason.

FYI, saying the word "Bang!" with the right amount of confidence is a pretty good way to express dominance in any arena.

Example: You've just turned in an overdue expense report to the finance department.
You: "Bang!"
Finance Department is impressed at the very least.

MDilly is a fascinating character and I would dedicate an entire blog to his bizarre superhuman feats if I knew he couldn't be prosecuted for them. I'm not sure if he's in the clear yet.

My Mac shipped today via FedEx! Holy fucking balls! Please let it work good. None of these high-pitched processor whines or dead pixels or flaming batteries. Come on. Just a nice new computer that runs all speedy and does cool shit that makes me a better human being.

For eight GP's, no googling or deli-scavenging or any research whatsoever allowed, what is the official name of the Blue Powerade flavor (hint: it's not "Blue")?

I had a Boca Burger for dinner tonight so I can tell you the first five ingredients listed:
-water
-organic textured soy flour
-organic mild cheddar cheese
-organic textured wheat gluten
-wheat gluten

Looking at the Bocadat guesses from a few weeks back, it looks like we will give five poinst to Deion for "water" and five to Isired for "wheat gluten." Nice work, fellas.

I think I could nail the "Welcome Back, Kotter" theme at karaoke. Just bring the house down with that shit. That and "Hungry Heart." I could also do a nice job on anything by the Replacements, but nobody has 'em on their karaoke menu. "Waitress in the Sky" would be my first choice if they did. What's your go-to karaoke song? "Bust a Move" is surprisingly challenging.

Another challenge because we're feeling feisty, this one for eight points, no research allowed: How long did Lindbergh's transatlantic flight take in 1927 (you can guess down to the tenth of a second if you like, closest guess gets the points)?

This is a couple days late, but here is my entire post from three years ago Sunday:

3/19/03:

What a day today. Worked a full day, flew to Miami, checked into our hotel, found out it was kind of a shitty hotel, and now we're looking to check out. Oh, and the war started.

Munsoned

Much to our bafflement and delight, we have received a few compliments on the site lately, and that just makes our day every time. Not much beats a good compliment. In terms of our typical daily experiences, it's like a straight flush. It's pretty rare, so when you get one, you're all, "Wtf did I do to deserve this and how can I do it again?" Yesterday, we got this comment from a New Discreet Reader (NDR) named Foob D:

Stumbled into this page looking for -- uhhhh, ummmm -- I dunno know what the hell I was looking for. That was 30 minutes ago and I've been plowing through the lyric stumpah, photo of day, etc. Tremendous "slice of life" stuff here. Tremendous. I've spent the last couple minutes laughing out loud and figured I'd call it to your attention. Thanks for the entertainment.

Hey Foob -- THANK YOU and please stay awhile. Even if your comment was left in the HaloScan box accompanying Crsmal's oddly controversial driving rules post from a couple years back, and not in a HaloScan box accompanying something that I myself created. Whatever, I still accept part of the compliment and it only underscores how important it is that we keep getting content from other sources besides my tired and lame ass.

Ma Bungle and I took Monday off to celebrate her birfday. We ate lunch at Lupa and we were sort of drunk afterwards as we strolled through SoHo. Ma bought herself two pairs of birfday shoes, which she probably wouldn't have done without having the wine in her. Good for her. She doesn't get enough stuff for herself.

Still no sign of my Apple computer, three weeks to the day after I ordered (still listed as shipping 3/30). Meanwhile, the Apple site now says that model is shipping in 7-10 days. So I might be better served canceling my order and ordering again. What a goofy system. I am beginning to think Dan K. is on the money with his prediction for my Maxperience.

As for weekendbeerdat, I am flattered that you guys think I am still capable of drinking multiple beers over the course of a weekend. 6? 7? 8? 13?!?!? Oh were that true. I think the last time I drank 13 beers in a weekend was during my last Bad Night, in October of 2004. That night was Bad, man, and I doubt I will ever have another one like it again.* Most of my nights are just plain regular these days.

The correct answer was 1 beer. Nobody got it, no points. Close goes to Diapk who guessed zero and will receive no points because he underestimated me, and to PBdotC who guessed "1 mol of beers" which I assume was a little physics humor based on our inclusion of Avogadro's Number in yesterday's post. So no points. Argue if you like.

1 beer isn't very many. 1 beer is probably not even enough to get the inexplicably-still-around Kevin Covais from American Idol buzzed.

Since we don't have much to say today, at least not that can be said quickly, we'll say that verbungle.com would like to issue a Verbungle.com Lifetime Achievement Award in the acting field to Woody Harrelson. We have enjoyed Woody's work in just about everything he's been in. And we like him in real life, too. If Kingpin is on and we stumble upon it, we are watching all the
way through every time. Congrats Woody, you should be receiving your plaque around the same time as Joe M. gets his prize from Geniusmaker Round I.

You may or may not know this, but MDilly was mighty fast in his day. To prove this, he liked to play a game in which he would go out for a pass while another person (who also considered himself "fast") attempted to cover him. They would be running stride for stride, and the defensive man would start feeling some small surge in confidence, at which point MDilly would point at his opponent and utter a single word before turning on the afterburners and immediately creating about fifteen yards of separation between the two. It was uncanny to watch. For ten points, MDilly excluded from answering**, what was the word MDilly would yell as he streaked past his opponent?

*Speaking of bad nights, we ga-rone-tee a new edition of "Trayline" by week's end. Thanks for the interest, Finn.
** He will receive 5 GP's in exchange for his abstaining from this challenge.

big day

Happy nth birfday to Ma Bungle! I can still remember when we first met -- Bill Clinton was our leader, the internet consisted of a coupla message boards for Xena: Warrior Princess, and Larry the Cable Guy was thankfully still installing cable boxes. Osama Bin Laden was still frequenting titty bars. Believe it or not, Val Kilmer was Batman. It was a simpler time and you knew where you stood. I was but a humble shuffler of tapes and you were just a cute li'l office tart that caught my eye. Well it's (n-x) years later and you're still the hot topic in the water cooler conversation of my heart. Here's to 6.0221415 × 10²³ more!

I am in deeper swampwater than usual in our ofice NCAA pool. I filled mine out with like 8 seconds left on the 35 second clock, and it shows. I actally forgot who West Virginia was and had them losing in the first or second round in both of my pools. Then within like ten minutes of the deadline passing, I remembered Pittsnogle & Gansey and several other reasons why I should have been pulling for WVU. Dammit. I will root for them anyway. 'Snogle it, just a little bit!

Here's an interesting tidbit for HDTV owners. I've been watching the tourney games on channel 702, which is CBS's HD channel. So the games are in beautiful HD blah blah. But I noticed that CBS was sticking with regionally-mandated games even longer than usual, so I flipped over to channel 2, the SD CBS entry. And wouldn't you know it, the SD channel was cutting away to the game I wanted to see, while the HD channel wasn't! So I guess they are still figuring that shit out a little bit. At first I was pissed because I've been watching nothing but 702 and so I've missed lots of thrilling finishes. But then I realized: I now have a CHOICE of which channel to watch when games are going down to the wire. So it's (almost) like having two separate NCAA tournament channels, albeit only for the last few minutes of certain games. Check it out next weekend if you get a chance, although it's more handy for the early rounds.

I had a lot of interesting things to say this weekend, but then I forgot them all.

Eight genius points for the person who can guess how many beers I drank this weekend.

Made for Michelob

bc mi wins runnerdat with his answer of Roger Bannister. BA wins miledat with his nearly exact guess of 3:43. The correct answer is 3:43:13. Funny thinking that there were days back in 1993 when BA, bc mi and I would all be sitting in the UW Athletic Ticket office, selling duckets and eating Cousin's subs for lunch as WMAD played on the little office transistor. Who knew they were both geniuses?

We got a new, slightly rushed HSSS for ya. Try to enjoy and remember that Darryl Dawkins got a monster dunk.

I am now salivatin' for the new Mac to arrive. Interestingly, some intrepid kids have gotten the new intel Macs to boot Windows XP. This could prove quite handy for a lot of people.

For ten points, whodat in da suit?

What's everybody doing this weekend? I'll be watching me some NCAA basketball. It's been pretty exciting so far. My only complaints with CBS have been 1) refusing to cutaway from a 1 vs. 16 game until the buzzer sounds (same old). and 2) the constant on-screen scoreboard is nice, I guess, but in its current position it actually blocks game action and that is unacceptable. Move it or lose it.

twinkletoes in the house

So as predicted, I only got to bowl one game on Wednesday night. I was off to a terrible start, with 9's in each of the first four frames, before I underwent a suspicious Bonds-like performance leap beginning in frame 5 -- I got three straight strikes and finished with a 169, winning a ten dollar bet with a co-worker who finished with a 163. I didn't get a spare the whole game, making it kind of remarkable that I did as well as I did. The 200 game will have to wait. The winner of bowldat2 is Deion, who guessed a 168. Ten well-played kwachas to him.

After the bowling, a bunch of the younger people (that does not include me, btw) decided to head out to The Bar. Part of me was jealous. My days at The Bar, and the unspeakable thrills that went along with 'em, are clearly over. That's one kind of fun that I just don't have anymore, and it was a major one for me for about fifteen years. It has been replaced by the fun of coming home and seeing my beautiful baby giggling at me. I swear to you that I am happy about this personal evolution. My advice to people who are still living the life of The Bar is: enjoy it now, enjoy it often, and enjoy it with every last crumpled dollar bill in your drinkin' pants. Because when the days of The Bar end, you will inevitably wish you had rocked out just a little bit more while you could.

May I suggest a bowling outing at some point down the line, babies and kids welcome?

As for yesterday's Creative Comment Challenge (CCC), it was a tight race, and the responses were lots of fun so I thnk we may do it again someday. I am going to give Pete the Grand Kwacha Mas Fina Genius Points (8 in total) for his tale of deli-karate, and I am also going to toss 5 GP's to each of the following competitors:

isired
deion
dipak
mdilly
mrsSmal
crsmal (for dreaming of verbungle)

Thanks folks.

Things are looking up at work. The hard days are over for awhile and I plan on watching at least part of several NCAA games Thursday and Friday (I have a TV at my desk!). God bless the NCAA tournament. God bless you!

I feel like eating Burritoville.

We will have a new edition of HSSS for you very shortly. This week's episode featured a 1983 first round playoff matchup between the Knicks and Nets. I've watched a little already, and it's wildly entertaining. Guys then played so randomly, like nobody was keeping track.

For eight GP's (no googlin'), who was the first person to run a sub-4:00 mile? Hint: it's not Deion. For five more, tell me what the current world record is for the mile? We want minutes seconds and hundredths, closest guess gets the points. Again, no googling, you googling motherfuckers.

149

Thanks to Finn for all the kind words in yesterday's comments. You have excellent taste.

The mis-typedat prize goes to early-risin' Dan Kois, who correctly said it was the word "the" --he even gave the misspelled version ("teh") which I hadn't even considered part of the challenge. fyi: I often type "teh" but I've also misspelled it "eth" and "mutorcs."

We are coming to the end of a busy stretch at the office. I've been white-knuckling it quite a bit but giving it my best. Outside of winning the lottery or going on a lucrative crime spree, I don't see any real opportunities for amassing great wealth over the next decade or two. I guess I'll be busting my ass for 40 hours a week until I'm 100.

Unfortunately for my bowling prospects, Ma Bungle has to take an unexpected business trip on Wednesday so I need to be home early to relieve the nanny and give Baby Bungle her daily fix of love. I am still going to try to make it for some of the bowling, but I'll probably only get in one game. You may revise your bowldat guesses if you like. I'd guess a 149.

Taking the day off from official genius challenges. The person who leaves the most brilliant and original comment will get 8 points.

a mean, mean thirst

Substantial kwachas to first time genius responder Finn for coming up with George Wendt as the answer to mats sitcomdat. Here is one of several reported connections between Wendt and the band, from 1988:

While out to see former Rockpile guitarist Billy Bremner, Westerberg was introduced to George Wendt (Norm on TV's Cheers), who was out back of the club blowing a j with "one of the Turtles, Flo or Eddie--whichever one has white hair." Upon sighting him, George exclaimed, "It's my idol, Westerberg." The duo went on to have a grand old time and Paul says George is an awful lot like Norm, a real regular guy. Apparently, Wendt had at least some 'Mats albums and asked if "Here Comes a Regular" was about him.

That would be funny if Norm had inspired that song. Or if someone wrote a version with Normified lyrics. Here is the original set if you want to take a crack at it (10 points for anyone who gives a reasonable effort):

Well, a person can work up a mean mean thirst
After a hard day of nothin' much at all
Summer's past, it's too late to cut the grass
There ain't much to rake anyway in the fall

Sometimes I just ain't in the mood
To take my place in back with the loudmouths
You're like a picture on a fridge that's never stocked with food,
I used to live at home, now I stay at the house

And everybody wants to be special here
They call your name out loud and clear
Here comes a regular, call out your name
Here comes a regular, Am I the only one here today

Well a drinking buddy that's bound to another town
Once the police made you go away
And even if you're in the arms of someone's baby now
I drink a great big whiskey to you anyway

And everybody wants to be someone's here
Someone's gonna show up never fear
Here comes a regular, call out your name
Here comes a regular, Am I the only one who feels ashamed

And even alongside old sad eyes, who says
"Opportunity knocks once then the door slams shut"
All I know is that I'm sick of everything that my money can buy
A fool who wastes his life god rests his guts

First the lights, and the collar goes up, and the wind begins to blow
You turn your back on a pay-you-back last call
First the plants, the leaves, the grass and here comes the snow
There ain't much to rake here anyway in the fall

Here are the answers to the longerthanUWdat NCAA challenge:

22 - Arizona (since 1985)
17 - Kansas (since 1990)
15 - Kentucky (since 1992)
11 - Duke (since 1996)
9 - Michigan St. (since 1998)

4 points each to deion and dlee.

Like Joey Monkeyweb, I have no clue about this year's tournament. I assume Duke and UConn are good. Beyond that, I may as well let Baby Bungle make my picks. I am what is known in the gambling universe as a "fattener," someone who throws in his $5 and sweetens the pot but has little to no chance of winning.

At least there is a pool. God Bless the USA and our continued defense of freedom.

Work is stressful right now, moreso than any time since maybe 1997, when I had a stack of unpaid invoices as thick as a Big Mac stashed inside my desk drawer and Joe Monkeyweb was standing on his chair squawking like a chicken as the suits walked by.

I can manage the stress OK if I keep my focus on Wednesday night's bowling outing and my continuing quest for a 200 game. It's tough to improve when you only bowl twice a year. Please allow me to reiterate my belief that lights out, rock and roll-style late night bowling is the sports equivalent of getting pummeled by Yanni. Bowling alleys, your sport is near-perfect to begin with, and trust me when I say that your customers will get drunk without glow-in-the-dark pins to motivate them. Let us bowl in pure clean fluorescent glory like God wants us to.

I wish that I made cider for a living or something like that.

Who's with me when I say I think we need to bring Potbelly subs to NYC? I'll man the starch station.

For eight points, which word do I find myself mis-typing most often?

badger badger badger badger

My alma mater is in the NCAA tournament. Would you believe that this is Wisconsin's 8th straight tournament appearance, a run that includes a Sweet Sixteen, an Elite Eight, and a Final Four? Did you know that only like five teams have longer streaks than that (for two points each, name them, no googling)? Do you recall that last year's team made it to the Elite Eight before losing a close game to eventual champion UNC? No you don't, liar.

What a strong, anonymous basketball tradition we're building up there in Madison. You probably wouldn't call it one of the top dozen programs in the country, but look at them numbers, chump.

Speaking of streaks, this may be the first time in like ten years that my office has no NCAA pool. Anybody got a good one my pop and I can join?

If you're wondering why no "High Socks and Short Shorts" columns in a while, it's because MSG showed two repeat episodes this week. I have a slight fear that maybe there are only like 14 episodes of this series, in which case we need to get an email campaign going to let them know that is simply not adequate. They're sitting on all the footage, how expensive can it be to produce the show? Whatever the number is, I'll do it cheaper and better.

We should have a new "Trayline" at some point this week, if for no other reason than to put that one really bad night behind us.

If you are a "creative" person, and by that I mean someone who likes to make stuff, write stuff, paint stuff, record stuff, produce stuff, etc.*, it seems to me that there should always be a balance in your life between what is going in and what is coming out. The danger lies in losing the balance. Meaning, if you are a professional writer and in a moment of low self-confidence you decide that none of your shit is worthy because you don't have the depth of knowledge to make it good, so you stop writing and just read books all day to learn how others do it and to enhance your skill level, and eventually you run out of money because you're not writing anything, and you starve to death, that's no good. And likewise, if you have a bullshit website that you update almost every day, using up just about all of your limited free time, making it impossible to even sit down with a good book or keep abreast of world events, your website will likely not be any good. Because you are creating it in a vacuum and you will never improve.

I think this site puts me in serious danger of the second of these scenarios. But for some reason I find it immensely gratifying, so the cycle will continue.

I'm tired so no new questions today. We still need answers for yesterday's, though.

* For the purposes of this discussion there is no minimum talent cutoff to earn this title. It's just about the urge to create, not the ability to do it well.

out ridin' fences

Beautiful weather today -- about 62 degrees with the sunshine warming my broad and muscular back. Nothing wrong with that on March 11th. The mild air means one thing to residents of these parts: The Boys Are Back in Town (Thin Lizzy version):

With Spring in the air, Baby Bungle took her first outdoor swing ride, on the hardscrabble playgrounds of Stuytown. She liked that shit a lot. She is one outstanding baby, I must objectively say. As the always-understated Sammy Hagar once put it, when describing Van Hagar as by far the greatest band in the world, "It ain't bragging. It's like a black man saying he's black." Or something. Sammy, you just have a way.

It was so nice today that the barbershop left the door open and a nice breeze was blowing through. I sat and they cut me and they played the Classic Rock station and they played it well.

Springtime makes me long for Classic Rock. If I hadn't lost all my Napster-era nuggets during one of my twenty-nine consecutive hard drive crashes, I would be bobbing my head to some Thin Lizzy right the hell now. "Whisky in the Jar." Now that was a band.

One song that came on the Classic Rock station that was totally uncalled for was "Desperado" by the Eagles. I am not an unrepentant Eagles-basher like cW, either. I'll listen to me some "Take It Easy" or even some "Hotel California" if the moment calls for it. But "Desperado" is a song that seemed really profound to me when I was a kid and perhaps because of that now seems cosmically stupid. I guess Seinfeld already weighed in on the lameness of this song, but I don't think it can be said enough.

After I got my $11 cut (which wasn't bad), we took Baby Bungle to an art gallery, her first taste of culture beyond reruns of Knicks 1o1. The occasion was an art opening for a family friend who, it turns out, does some real nice painting.

It was my first opening since the Helena Cristensen exhibit from early 2K5.

And it was nice. Wine and ice water was served. I had the ice water.

We had been there for like eight minutes and I was talking to my pops when a dude approached me and told me how beautiful Baby Bungle was. He was a big guy, maybe 60 years old and he had kind of a crooked, cuckoo-bird look on his face. He sort of looked like a heavily medicated Vic Tayback. He just started going off about Baby Bungle and then started just plain going off. As soon as it was politely possible, Ma Bungle slipped away. Which was a good move. This guy was crazy as hell. Probably drunk too, but definitely crazy. What follows is a near-verbatim transcript of our conversation:

Nutcase Johnny: "Your baby is something else. Wow. A little beautiful buddha, he is. Let me tell you, I have seen some of the most famous people and the richest people in the world and never have I seen a child like that."

Me: "Thank you."

Nutcase Johnny (gesturing to Grandpa Bungle): "...and this must be the father. What a handsome man. You can see where the baby gets his looks from. He looks Jewish and the baby looks like him."

(Ma Bungle exits with Baby Bungle)

Grandpa Bungle (gesturing to me): "Um, yes, like my son."

Nutcase Johnny (handing Grandpa Bungle and me business cards): "I need you to pray for me. I'm a reverend, did you know that? This year, my brother swindled me out of a million dollar piece of real estate. Can you believe that? And my father died. What a man. Just a great man. My mother, too. They had class. Wonderful people. And then this, with my brother. A beautiful apartment, a block away from here on 5th avenue. And he cheats me out of it, cheats me out of my inheritance. It got so bad, I was sick, you know. Sick inside. I wanted to not live anymore, it was that bad. I called the District Attorney, I wanted to investigate him. I'm a lawyer, you know. I know people. But then, what, I'm going to have my own brother arrested? No. So now I am suing him. So you need to pray for me. I am a reverend."

This continued for another two minutes or so, and finally my pops just patted the guy on the back and said, "Sue your brother. You should." Which was pretty nice considering my pops has a long history of mouthing off to people when he feels they deserve it.

Finally, finally, the guy left, and said a bunch of pray for mes and God Bless yous as he did. He looked homicidal and I doubt he was even invited to the opening. He was probably out stalking his bro, smelled the wine from the street and walked right in.

Wait, maybe that's how openings work. You don't need to be invited, you just walk right in. I don't know.

After the opening we had a suburban-style dinner at California Pizza Kitchen. It wasn't very good, definitely sub-suburb quality. Serves us right.

Springtime is also for thinking back on good days, so let's keep it up. Let's stay on the Minneapolis '91 tip. I love Minneapolis. Some of America's best and brightest are based in that area (Replacements, Kevin Garnett, Prince, Mike D. Hunt, Target, etc.). I visited it at least three or four times in the early 90's, each time leaving with no brick in town left unrocked.

This may be a repeat Genius Challenge so bear with me. That year, as the Twins made their imporbable postseason run, the Minneapolis local radio stations began playing a remix of a song that had been hugely popular within the year or so prior to that. This remix featured someone shouting the word "TWINS!", that was essentially the only change from the original song. It was just another reminder of how smaller market teams can get the whole city rallying around them. Anyway, for ten GP's, name this huge single from '90 or '91, and as a hint I will tell you that the title of the song described Minneapolis's feelings towards that year's Twins team. Please don't google.

For another ten points, tell me what actor from a hugely successful 80's-90's sitcom was a major Replacements fan? Googling encouraged.

oh the humanity

Warning: This post is sappy as hell.

I cried at work today.

First let me say that I am generally an emotionless bastard. I will occasionally get misty, but it's never at the right time, such as when somebody tells me about something bad that happened to them. Instead it's a when an ugly dude on American Idol sings a song beautifully or some dumb shit like that.

As further evidence of my lack of depth as a human being, I have a very hard time dealing with handicapped/disabled/life-threateningly ill people when I see them on TV. I feel terrible for them, and my heart goes out to them, but I am so overwhelmed by their plight that I find myself turning the channel immediately.

As you may know, I work on TV shows. Today we had a special visitor to the set, a girl who must have been around 10 years old and bald from chemo. She was there with her brother, sister, and parents. When I went out on the set, I realized it's the first time I'd been around a child with an illness that serious in many years.

So here was this little girl, facing tough breaks everywhere she looks, and what was her attitude? Her attitude was joyous. Running around the set, laughing, taking it all in, just being tremendously positive and enthusiastic about life. And it wasn't some bullshit "Putting on a brave face" thing. Nor did she seem to be trying to live every moment as if it was her last. No, she just seemed like a really happy kid.

And I swear the power and beauty of her personality just made me crumble. I had to step back and have a moment by myself. Tears formed in the corners of my eyes and I was overcome with love for the human race. Just one little pure-hearted kid trying to survive until adulthood and not complaining about a thing. It's too much. Way too much. And here I am bitching about my FUCKING BRAND NEW COMPUTER.

Holy crap am I an asshole! Every time I get down about the shallow bullshit problems in my life, I am going to picture her with her bald head and her healthy brother and sister all running around the set laughing and screaming like kids are supposed to do.

No more bitching.

***

OK, back to shallow man. I got my new iPod and I figured maybe I'd wait for the Mac to arrive rather than connect it to my wife's PC and possibly get it all confused when I then try to sync it with the Mac. But eventually I gave in to my desire to touch the damn thing, and sure enough I couldn't stop. I got it hooked up to the wife's PC and downloaded the 27 mostly crappy songs I have on there. I need some more songs. Hopefully it won't be a problem when I hook it up to the Mac and load all my Mp3's on there. Better not be. Anyway the thing is black and shiny and gorgeous and I am totally satisfied that I got it when I did instead of buying the new cooler one. This one has the photos and the videos and stuff. More than I will ever need.

Thanks for the bounty of fine comments over the last couple of days. I love you, fellow humans.

Bowldat Part II: I am bowling next Wednesday night. What will my high game be? Closest guess gets 1o points, 25 if you nail it exactly. One guess to a person, Price Is Right rules do not apply.

For ten more, try this headless whodat.

kwess chuns

Genius points at stake only where noted. The rest is just stuff I wanna know. Answer any and all.

1) If you could take a one-time pill with no side effects that would prevent hair from growing out of your face for the rest of your life, so you'd never have to shave again, would you take it, knowing that by doing so you would forfeit your right to moustache-growing forever?

(I wouldn't. Especially because I've never had a moustache and I feel that the world owes me one. At least one.)

2) If the governing body of your sport of choice came out with a statement that read something like this:

"Look, we know performance-enhancing drugs (PED's) are bad for you, they might even shave twenty years off your life. And we suspect that teenage athletes are going to take them in greater numbers as they become more widespread at the professional level. But the truth is that policing them is too damn hard and we'll always be one step behind. So we are now formally announcing that PED's are not disallowed by our sport. If they are taken illegally, you may face criminal charges, but we don't give a crap about any of that. Go for it, gladiators."

Would that change your opinion of steroid use?

3) Many people would call Rakim the greatest MC of all time. Is this accurate, and if not, who's your top choice? While this debate continues, can we at least all agree that the absolute worst MC of all time was Dr. Geek, the dude from the BluBlockers ad ca. 1995?

4) How far can the strongest-armed NFL QB chuck a football?

5) When did you last eat a potato and how was it prepared?

6) Whodat (10 GP's)?

7) BJL ineligible for this one, sorry. Prior to the steroid boom of the 1990's (lat's say pre-1990), who are the only five men to hit fifty homers in a season more than once (2 GP's for each)? And who are the four men to do it more than once since 1990 (0 points each)? No googling.

Good lively debate on the steroid thing yesterday. Thanks to all commentors as always.

kinda sorta ready

I'm kinda sorta ready for baseball season. Spring's coming, so I am programmed to start thinking about it. I was thinking about Derek Jeter in particular, and how many people can't stand the guy. And I struggled to find the logic that would make someone feel this way.

And as usual when life leaves me in front of a locked door, I turned to The Boz.

What is the most fundamental and mathematically sound of the Boz Commandments? I asked myself.

Trick question: they are all equally fundamental and each is mathematically airtight. But the one that applied to the Jeter-bashers, as best as I could tell, was the one that has guided me through some of the roughest patches in my life.

People that hate you hate themselves.

So simple. So true. And while I'm sure The Boz originally wanted the underlying message of this commandment to read People that hate The Boz hate themselves, I think he is a generous enough soul to let me extrapolate it to Derek Jeter.

People that hate Derek Jeter hate themselves.

Do you hate yourself?

This Barry Bonds steroid business is very troubling. Who broke this story, Jackie Harvey? Soon they'll be investigating Ben Johnson. Is noone safe from this overaggressive press?

Seriously, while the steroid "revelations" of the past two years shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone, they do make an interesting case for Ken Griffey, Jr. as the unquestioned greatest player of his generation (1990's). I guess since mlb had no steroid policy until a couple of years ago, he may have been juicing as well, but I've never heard his name mentioned and he didn't ever undergo the same kind of grotesque physical transformation as most of the other guys who have now been nailed (Palmeiro being an exception).

In other words, throw out all the steroid numbers and you are left with Griffey's 536 HR's (and counting). And A-roid, I guess.

Junior still has an OUTSIDE chance at 700.

Please correct me if I am wrong about him being clean, and provide a link if you have one.

Wednesday night I am headed to BJL's for a final attempt to resuscitate the ol' hard drive. Here's hoping we get a couple of files out of it. Such as the long-lost verbungle post where I reveal my darkest secrets.

Once again I turn to you, talented readers, in an attempt to beef up the verbungle empire. We are looking for contributors to write episode recaps for our sister blog, High Socks and Short Shorts.* Especially if MSG begins airing "Knicks 101" more than once a week.
Salary: $0 per column. Genius points negotiable.
Job Requirements:
-cable TV or illegal equivalent featuring MSG network
-free time
-some interest in 80's basketball and in bullshitting about it.
Hours: Flexible

Email me if you are interested. Our goal is to not miss a game.

Whodat (10 points)?

* Come to think of it, this would be a far better name for the actual TV show than "Knicks 101."

r.i.p. k.p.

I don't have much to say today. The difference between this and other days is that on those days I'll say a bunch of shit anyway. Today I'll keep it brief. Or maybe not.

Got my slick black iPod today. It took two days to get here, regular no-extra-cost shipping, from Shanghai. I can see how easy it is to fall into all the Apple traps. Such as the trap where you get so excited about the shiny new product you've ordered that you check the FedEx page every other hour to see where it is.

And the whole panic about the immediate obsolescence of your new toy -- that's part of the Apple culture too. For instance, my iPod will probably be "obsolete"* in about a month. Logically, I should know that it is a fine MP3 player and even has some video capabilities and so I should be happy as hell to own it. But the new dog is just around the corner so of course some part of me will regret not holding out for the new dog.

It's a world that can't stop coveting. Like as soon as I get my new computer, they are going to bust out with the next processor, which by all accounts is far superior, and I am going to want it. In fact, there is some speculation that the computer I have ordered is a stop-gap and might ACTUALLY become sorta obsolete as soon as the new ones come out.

But I don't have time to worry about all that crap. I just want it to be cool and work, right? So send it on over, Apple. I can't wait for the new dog.

It just occurred to me that maybe all these posts about my computer struggles are boring as hell. Too bad.

Here are three fine links that may not be particularly new but are definitely worth a look if you haven't seen 'em:

1) Darren Daulton is a kooky dude with a kooky 'tude. (courtesy FJM).
2) Excellent comedy-writer hate mail exchange. (Courtesy Jess B. -- I know this is several years old but I had never seen it.)
3) I stumbled across this bizarre site when I was looking for a whodat.

That's about all. The answer we were looking for in 4.6.87dat was "The Hagler-Leonard fight." I didn't really remember 1) that Hagler wanted a piece of Leonard so bad that he accepted a bunch of Leonard's demands on how the fight was to be fought (ring size, number of rounds, glove size, etc.) and 2) that Hagler was denied a rematch by Leonard and never boxed again. Kinda sad. I always liked Hagler. Leonard was OK too but kinda annoying.

In honor of the late Kirby Puckett, we have a Twins-related challenge today. No googling please. I was in Minneapolis when the Twins won the pennant in 1991, it was very exciting with the little homer hankies or whatever they were called. In addition to the ALCS, I remember another news story had the country's attention that week. What was it?

For another four points, what am I accused of doing in the Metrodome while on the Diamondvision camera?

I think the world needs another Twins championship.

* Among certain gadget-craving losers, "obsolete" now means "less than state of the art." When in fact most "obsolete" products are perfectly functional and well-supported by their manufacturers.

tunes

Dudes, I am looking forward to listening to music again soon. In fact, I noticed an hour ago that my (engraved) iPod has shipped. I took this outwardly good news to mean that there must be a newer and better iPod on the immediate horizon, and wouldn't you know it...

I don't really care. I plan on using it for music and occasional swinger and dogger porn. No need to have the latest and greatest.

OK, not much else here. Just an announcement that we have a new edition of "High Socks and Short Shorts" for you. One of the games we review, Julius Erving's last game in NYC, took place on 4.6.87. For ten non-googling GP's, what other major sporting event happened on that same day?

And we also have some predictions from yesterday's comments...

Hey man, you ever try pheromones?

This is the last post that will feature a title lifted from a piece of that day's spam. I hope you enjoyed this experiment.

I ordered the damn Mac, mudderfuggers! I couldn't be more excited about it. I am pretty sure it will provide joy wherever joy is lacking in my life. Unless it's a dud. I get the feeling that about half of them are duds.

Thanks to isired and joe m. and dilly and everybody else who helped me and tolerated me during the decision-making process.

And especially thanks to Ma Bungle for agreeing to get this for me. (And for throwing in a new iPod as well!)

Now I gotta learn how to operate a Mac. Do I just hit F7 a bunch of times?

I was thinking about the famous dickhead line, "That watch cost more than your car" and I thought, Whoever came up with that is as finely attuned to the dickhead thought process as is humanly possible. I guess the first time I heard it was in Glengarry Glen Ross, and it was spoken by Alec Baldwin. The verbungle.com research department recently came across several early drafts of the GGGR script, and when you browse through them you can see that David Mamet was struggling with that line for a long time. Here are a few of his original passes:

Blake: You see these socks? You see these socks?
Dave Moss: Yeah.
Blake: These socks cost more than your house.

Other failed versions end with:
"That mouthwash cost more than your deodorant."
"These sweatpants cost more than your entire sweatsuit."
"These corn chips cost more than your monthly cable bill."
"That rotisserie basketball team cost more than your actual NBA fracnchise."
"That breakfast cereal cost more than your granola bars, and also more than your Ovaltine, but slightly less than the two of them put together."
"That Rickey Henderson rookie card cost more than your complete 1994 Topps set."
"These ben wa balls cost more than your kid's college education."

etc.

I've been real busy at work the last few days and haven't responded to some good questions posed in the comments section. So let me try to knock a few out right now.

BC asks: 22 years of Cold War living and you never worried about a nuclear war?
I respond: Yeah that was kinda scary there for a bit. But never as scary as getting housed by hoods.

Deion asks: how bout the boca burger pts????
I respond: Still working on it. I have some Boca fake chicken patties in the fridge, the ingredients are probably the same as the Boca Burgers, so maybe I'll just check those.

D.Lee asks: you had a crush on Polly?
I respond: Like you didn't know that? We've been over this before, we all know you made out with her at one of your orgy parties. Do you just want me to type it again so you can relive it? There. I just did.

Bumpy Ugly asks: from yesterdays post- do you know if your roommate ever banged chicks in your bed? sort of like doing it in all rooms of the house, your bed included? that's why i used to keep a black light handy when i had a roommate, you'd be amazed where the cum flies.
I respond: sort of. the night after I left for NYC, Christmas break freshman year, the roommate banged one woman in his bed while two other (gross) people did the nasty on my bed, with my roommate's tacit approval. I slept on that bed for like three weeks after that and then I noticed huge yellow stink-stains on the comforter. I asked him about it and he grinned and said something like, "I wasn't going to tell you, but..." I was pretty mad but I was broke and stupid so I just washed the comforter and kept on using it. The humpstains didn't even come out, although they didn't smell as bad after a couple washings.

Finally, G. Web asks: I've been meaning to make a comment that maybe somebody else has already. I find it utterly baffling that you have so much laundry to do every weekend. Even if your baby wears cloth diapers that you reuse, I can't fathom that any couple soils so many clothes/sheets/towels so regularly. On average, I need to do a load or 2 every two weeks or so, and that's without ever pulling out of the hamper. As much as I enjoy your tales of the laundry room encounters, the bottom line is you have an inordinate amount of laundry that requires explanation.
I respond: Hey G. Web, I didn't know you were still reading. Good to hear from you. You know, I was wondering about this myself. About 30% of it is baby-related, even though we use landfill diapers and not resuable. I used to go through a lot of laundry because I was always playing sports, which would usually mean an outift for the day, then a sport outfit, and then a post-shower sleeping outfit. But I have stopped exercising altogether, so that's not it. In the last year or so I have started sleeping in pyjamas, so that's part of it, an extra pair of pyjamas and a long-sleeve T every day. That adds up. And the machines are sorta small. Oh, and we wash and change our sheets periodically. You might want to try that.

Whodat? (6 points)

Horse Woman News

I think you can tell how good or bad a year you're having by what your biggest worry of the year was. Like for LeBron James this year it's probably, "2006: Moving stacks of money from garage into newly-completed 'Money Room.'" Indicating he's having a pretty good year. For recent whodat answer Adam Rich, it might be, "2006: Avoiding being recognized as I shoplift groceries at Albertson's." So it's different for everyone. Looking back at my life it's pretty easy to guess which years were the most carefree.

1969: Breathing
1970: Eating
1971: Walking around
1972: Saying stuff
1973: School
1974: Watergate
1975: Monsters in bedroom
1976: Crush on teenage cousin
1977: Son of Sam
1978: Painful, probably unreturned crush on red-haired girl with snot bubbling from nose