Hola Amigos

I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya.

What happened over those four or five days, whatever it was...? Let me think....hmm.

Oh, I found God.

I don't want to talk about it too much, because you'll make fun of me, but yeah, I kind of found God.

Not in a Christian sense or a Muslim sense or a Davidian sense or anything like that. I just rotated my rabbit ears a couple of degrees and I got a slightly different signal and I changed my views on the universe in an instant.

Just a couple of weeks ago a co-worker and I got in an awkward conversation about religion and he asked me point blank if I believed in God and I had to say, No. I don't.

Not just, "I don't believe in your God," but "I don't believe in any God."

Meaning, I don't believe in the Bible or UFO's or Ghosts or the Curse of the Bambino or the Indian Rope Trick or any of that.

Meaning, I don't believe in Magic. Everything in the universe is either scientifically explainable or just plain bullshit.

Then as I was walking home yesterday I saw the trees of Stuytown and the bulldozers parked on the loop and I saw the kids playing and the logos painted on the doors of trucks and I knew I was on my way to my first two day weekend in awhile. And I felt like there was a presence of some kind out there.

I thought about all the perfect things in the universe and all the lousy things and I just couldn't accept that all of them could have happened by chance.
There is some underlying Magic in everything, organic and man-made. In the Grand Canyon and the Gowanus Canal. In the breezes that blow off Lake Mendota in June and in the smell of a new gadget as you pull it out of the box. There is no scientific explanation for it all. There is a hand subtly guiding the planet and the people in it and that's all there is to it. It's probably not a big dude with a grey beard, it might be something invisible and unknowable, but it is more than chance and more than science.

It may just be fucking around with us.

I don't think there is a heaven and hell or any of that. Maybe there's something beyond our 74 years on earth, I have no idea. I hope so. But the Bible and the Koran and all those other books were written a long time ago and to take them literally or even all that seriously seems like madness to me.

But to accept that there is something greater out there and to draw on it as a source of strength or comfort seems OK to me. In fact, I bet people who believe in the Magic and rely on it every once in a while come out ahead.

To prove my point, I am going to trust in the Magic of the Universe and I am going to wallop two juicy CSHR's at Sunday Night Softball. If I don't do it, then there is no God.

For twenty GP's, tell me what brand of shoes I just bought to wear to work (they replace a pair I got from Barney's that blistered my feet up good). One guess per person.

I enjoy this next photo more now than I did two years ago and I bet twenty years from now I'll enjoy it even more than I do now. It's like a hilarious book that you loved when you read it as a freshman in college, and you go back years later and you read it again and you love it again, but this time you don't know why you ever thought it was funny.

Nettles got me. Bottom of the ninth.

Another one-day weekend come and gone.

I don't ever remember struggling this much just to keep my life at sea level.

Baby Bungle is a very good baby. Happy, cooperative, pleasant. Non-smoker. I cannot imagine my life without this wonderful creature.

But raising a kid and holding down jobs and shit is tough. There is simply no time for anything else. You come home, you work. Thank God Ma Bungle has the strength of ten women or we'd be hosed.

Tonight I missed Sunday night softball and it made me realize a couple of things:

1) Ma B. has really been holding it down on the nights I go play. Sunday evenings are busy in our home and I want to thank her for getting through so many of them without me.
2) I need some sporting activity on the weekend, I really do. And Sunday night softball is perfect. It actually makes the weekend seem much longer. It helps ward off the shivers of the approaching Monday morning and it allows me to drink some beers under the lights, which ain't bad. I also get to run around enough to burn off about 60 calories.

I hope I can make the games from here on out.

I had a nostalgic weekend for a couple of reasons. One, I spent some time looking at these two lists of all-time videos (via Metafilter):

Pitchfork

Stylus

Just looking back at all those videos took me through the last 20 years over and over again. I felt nostalgic when I saw the ones I was familiar with, and I felt even more melancholy somehow when I saw the ones that I had missed completely. Like I was angry at the world for doing cool stuff without me.
I also spent some time looking at the digital photos I've taken over the last three years. Amazing how my life has changed in that time. Truly amazing. Exciting changes, but the photos did make me miss the shit that I could still do in 2004 but not no' mo', like:

-go to bars
-walk around taking pictures of shit
-play basketball
-hang out with friends
-go to bars
-play poker
-take my time coming home from work
-be a lazy fool

Whatever, this isn't going anywhere. Good night.

Oh, first: enjoy Pete's excellent and prompt softball recap. Wish I'da been there.

cW gets Psychorabbitjeffersondat and earns himself 12 points.

For ten more, tell me what campy sci-fi movie D. Lee and I cut school to see in 6th grade?

D. Lee is bored...

And on this sportsified Saturday,we all benefit. He's got an NBA draft update below.

We also have a new softball recap online.

Ad as for marijuanadat, I think some of you may have misunderstood the instructions. We were looking for NEW words for marijuana, not already existing ones. So points go only to Deion, Dan K., Smoker, Joe, and Dipak, There were some real good submissions, I was very impressed. My favorite: crumble.

For today's no-google-please twelve-point challenge: in a very special Halloween episode of The Jeffersons, Weezie believes she witnesses a murder as she is peeping at the neighbors through a telescope. What costume was the murderer wearing?

Now on to D. Lee's update:

How are the 2006 prospects looking over the summer? Here you go..

	Toronto Raptors	Andrea Bargnani, Forward, Italy: struggled in certain regards. bad rebounding and defense. still, his offensive game is allegedly looking promising with a legit 3 point stroke. I have a strong feeling this guy is more Toni Kucok than Dirk Nowitski.
	P-land (from New York)	LaMarcus Aldridge, Forward, Texas (to Portland) Actually played rather well. Solid shot-blocking and rebounding. Didn't make a lot of dumb mistakes. Hmmm.
	Charlotte Bobcats	Adam Morrison, Forward, Gonzaga. SER-VING! After a nightmare first summer league game where he shot 3-14 and had his shot blocked twice he came storming back in typical Morrison fashion to lead his summer league in scoring at a 25 ppg clip! A clear favorite for rookie of the year and most hyped player of the year.
	Chi	Tyrus Thomas, Forward, Louisiana State (to Chicago) Showed he might have some work to do. Solid D and rebounding but struggled to play PF and score consistently against weaker comp. Look for him to be a solid contributor this year.
	Atlanta Hawks	Shelden Williams, Forward, Duke. Uh-oh.. Those damn Dukies. Wow. Atlanta has likely made ANOTHER COLOSSAL BLUNDER by NOT taking ultra talented guards they desperately need. As if passing on Chris Paul isn't bad enough.. Sheldon is REALLY struggling in the summer league. He's not even blocking shots and rebounding well against weaker comp. It's early but this could be a major meltdown for the Hawks because..
	P-land	Brandon Roy, Guard, Washington (to Portland) LOOKING VERY GOOD. Has done everything the scouts said he'd do. Already looking extremely polished across the board. A young vet. Gonna be a coaches favorite.
	MINN	Randy Foye, Guard, Villanova (to Minnesota via Portland) LOOKING AWESOME! It's gonna be him VS Morrison for rookie of the year. Crushed the summer comp averaging 26 ppg and shooting at a 55% clip. They're actually comparing him to Wade. I still like the Arenas comparison better. So just for the record: Atlanta passed on Paul and has now passed on Roy & Foye. When the fuck do fans get be a GM?'s? There really needs to be some basketball reality show like Top Chef or Project Runway for hoops, man.. Hans, pitch it to your bosses now!!!
	Houston Rockets	Rudy Gay, Forward, Connecticut. See Tyrus Thomas. Same thing.
	Golden State Warriors	Patrick O'Bryant, Center, Bradley. Uh oh #2. How can Mullin be such a smart basketball player yet a horrible GM. This guy had an ultra rough summer camp. That's it! I'm applying for the Atl, NY, and GS jobs. They don't even have to pay me! I'll work for hotdogs and beer (*and the occasional hookup with my cheerleader of choice).
	Seattle Supersonics	Saer Sene, Forward, Senegal. Wow. Looks like Seattle played the draft like a roulette addict. "If I play the same number every time I have to win eventually, right?" So for 3 years in a row they've drafted a "project" center (Swift, Petro, Sene) but it looks like the 3rd time may be the charm. This guy has been averaging 4 blocks a game in the summer league and has been much more polished than they thought. Could be a Mutumbo/Dalembert guy down the road. Guys like that are hard to come by.. nice.
	Orlando Magic	J.J. Redick, Guard, Duke. Oh, Duke.. Injured via back probs all summer after his DUI. Not a good start for a guy already with a shitload of question marks about his future.
	N.O./Okla. City Hornets	Hilton Armstrong, Center, Connecticut. Very solid. looks like he's been able to do everything expected of him. solid D, rebounding, put-backs, etc. he'll contribute.
	Philadelphia 76ers	Thabo Sefolosha, Guard, Switzerland (to Chicago) Sweet find. This guy has sleeper written all over him. Man, talk about under the radar..
	Utah Jazz	Ronnie Brewer, Guard, Arkansas. Having an excellent camp. Scoring at a very good clip at an ultra high %. Despite being a rook, I think Sloan will have to play this guy solid minutes off the bench.
	N.O./Okla. City Hornets (from Milwaukee)	Cedric Simmons, Forward, North Carolina State. Clunk! Guess NO did the Seattle like gamble taking similar players via draft and hoping one eventually pans out. Looks like Armstrong will be the pay-off not Simmons. He had a near invisible camp.
	Phil	Rodney Carney, Forward, Memphis (to Philadelphia). Nice. Showing a sweet touch from the perimeter. Still, seems there's a logjam at the guard/SF spot in Philly. Don't know where he'll get the minutes..
	Indiana Pacers	Shawne Williams, Forward, Memphis. Did okay. It's early. Still, with a stud like Granger at the SF why did Bird take this guy and then ALSO trade for M. Daniels?? This kid ain't getting off the bench this year.
	Washington Wizards	Oleksiy Pecherov, Center, Ukraine. Typical early returns on a Euro. Showed nice shooting touch but can't guard a lick. Likely won't get much PT this year.
	Sacramento Kings	Quincy Douby, Guard, Rutgers. Looking a little shaky. Didn't show any signs of being a PG in the summer league. That doesn't bode well..
	New York Knicks (from Denver)	Renaldo Balkman, Forward, South Carolina. Here we go.. look: Isaiah has again show to be a good judge of talent because from what I've seen over the summer this guy DOES look like a NBA player. Outstanding athleticism and great energy. Still, we did NOT have to take him this early! The smoke screen about Phoenix taking this guy at 21 has proved to be false and they could've taken Boone or M Williams at 20 then Balkman at 29. Whatever. Zeke will be fired before the all-star break anyway..
	Phoenix Suns (from L.A. Lakers)	Rajon Rondo, Guard, Kentucky (to Boston). Solid summer. Showed good control by not forcing the issue. Still, he refused to shoot from the outside. Eventually he'll have to expose that side of his game and work on it. In the NBA you can run but you can't hide..
	New Jersey Nets (from L.A. Clippers)	Marcus Williams, Guard, Connecticut. Oh boy. What a steal. True he's had some minor probs with fouls and TO's over the summer but he racked up a billion assists. Clearly the purest point in the draft. Just like shot-blockers, guys like this are hard to come by but when you get them they really help your team. Could be another Mark Jackson. Kidd's gonna teach him a lot. Great pick-up.
	New Jersey Nets	Josh Boone, Forward, Connecticut. Another great pick-up. Like Armstrong, he's done everything they expected over the summer. Good D & rebounding. Him and Williams make a great pair. Too bad he got hurt. That may set him back a bit. Otherwise, he was looking at some nice PT.
	Memphis Grizzlies	Kyle Lowry, Guard, Villanova. Looking OK. Did some good things but didn't exactly blow anyone away. Another guy where what you see is what you get.
	Cleveland Cavaliers	Shannon Brown, Guard, Michigan State. Shaky summer. Played on a Cle team with no summer talent and didn't exactly shine. Did the occasional flashy play but showed no consistency. We'll see..
	L.A. Lakers (from Miami)	Jordan Farmar, Guard, UCLA. Take a seat Smush. He's done a very solid job over the summer running the team. One of those cogs that won't light up the box score but keeps the machine well oiled. I got a feeling he's gonna get a lot of PT.
	Phoenix Suns	Sergio Rodriguez, Guard, Spain (to Portland) Didn't do anything.
	Dallas Mavericks	Maurice Ager, Guard, Michigan State Had a very solid summer. Still, I doubt he'll play this year.
	New York Knicks (from San Antonio)	Mardy Collins, Guard, Temple. Uh oh. Looked super tentative and light in the skills department. Some guys you look at and see they just don't have it. He may be one of those guys..
	Portland Trail Blazers (from Detroit)	Joel Freeland, Forward, United Kingdom. Whatever.

DLee's all-rookie team prediction:

Foye

Roy

Aldridge

Brewer

Morrison

ROY: Foye

PS

1. Marvin Williams destroyed in summer league this year. Look for him to emerge..

2. Seeing as Zeke is soon to be fired, L Brown was a disaster, and A. Johnson was coach of the year ---I say we groom a player to be a coach right now.

My top 10 players who'll make great coaches:

1. Kidd ~okay, we can't get him but we can get..

2. D. Armstrong

3. A. Davis

4. J. Barry

5. A. Griffin

6. Kurt Thomas

7. E. Snow

8. D Fisher

9. G Buckner

10. E. Williams

By the way, my homeboy Charles Oakley is gonna be a coach on the Bobcats this year. What say we get him ASAP then make X-man & Mase his assistant coaches. You're telling me lazy-ass Eddy Curry wouldn't run extra wind-sprints with those motherfuckers waiting on the sideline??

Oh, i'd PAY to see the practice sessions..

smell ya later

Dlee

holy scrizzle

Things are bizzy, I won't lie. For the foreseeable future this internet log will be comprised of short bursts of stupidity instead of the long drawn-out stretches of stupidity you're used to.

I think I have coined a phrase but I don't want to google it and see that 24,000 other people
thought of it first.

Hangst: the lingering, crippling, suffocating sense of what-did-I-do anxiety that sometimes accompanies a bad hangover.

We have a winner in the commentdat challenge: Moncrief, whose guess of 8014 was closest to the actual total of 7663. Nice job. I am also going to award pbdotc 5 points for being the first commenter we ever had.

Five points for each halfway decent original synonym for marijuana you can come up with. Maximum eight synonyms per person.

If you missed the Yankee game the other night, you missed a great moment. I meant to DVR it so I could then shoot it with my camera and post it to youtube, but I fugged up and forgot. So I will describe it to you and it will no longer be great.

It was late in the game and Carl "No Dinosaurs" Everett was up. He swung and missed a pitch and lost control tof the bat. It went sailing about 100 feet and landed in the seats behind first base, right in the middle of a big group of people. Always scary. There was confusion, and then you saw a dude about 60 years old holding the bat up, proud of his hard-earned souvenir. Then they showed the replay, and the dude actually caught the bat on the fly. I was impressed, both that he caught it and that he didn't get hurt.

Then they showed him again live and you could see that blood was starting to seep out of the side of his head. The bat must've clipped him. Not too bad, but a pretty decent cut. And he wasn't a young guy. So I started to worry about the poor fella, especially when the medical team began escorting him towards the tunnel.

But he was walking fine and he looked coherent. As he made his way up the aisle, people began to clap for him. So he took the bat and raised it above his head again as a gesture of strength. He seemed OK to me. He started to walk into the tunnel and then suddenly came running back out and faced the crowd with a crazy look in his eye.

"Bos-ton sucks! Bos-ton sucks!" he shouted a few times.

Then he turned and walked away.

Here are some things I'd like to do in the coming weeks but probably won't.

-play basketball
-add a post to the Trayline blog
-drink beer outside
-grow a scraggly-assed beard
-play CF for the Yankees for like three innings
-eat zeppole
-be smart
-play lawn darts
-play darts
-see old friends
-lift enormous weights
-start the Bruce blog
-calm down
-take a long trip someplace nice
-take some cool pictures of stuff
-work towards something and achieve it
-get a massage
-drink orange soda
-feel connected with humanity
-design a cool T-shirt

Sunday Night Anxiety, Vol. 1092

It was a nice weekend.

The wife's parents were here and they couldn't have been nicer. Generous and kind.

We had another b-day party for Baby Bungle, this one for relatives only. Baby Bungle did her thing.

The sun shined.

I chewed some gum.

I played some softball and pounded the Bud a little bit. I even hit a nice CSHR.

I spoke to some friends. They were doing the same old stuff that they like to do.

Vic was in Chicago pounding the Bud and selling T-shirts. It was 95 degrees but he had the generator going and I bet it was only around 37 degrees inside each bottle.

We talked about the great beer-drinking achievements of the past 50 years. I said that our old friend Butch once claimed that he drank like 30 beers in one day. Vic said maybe if it was a hot day, because then you sweat it out. That seemed to make sense, although it gave me a hangover just thinking about it.

We talked about Wade Boggs and his airborne 64 and Andre the Giant with his incredible but somehow plausible 117.

I think I've had about 20 or 25 in a night a couple of times. You think that's about right?

I didn't step in any shit this weekend. In the 70's you stepped in shit like every ten days.

But I did have to work for like 5 hours on Sunday. If we accept these quick numbers:
1. 33% of your life you are asleep.
2. 25% you are hard at work sacking shit.
3. 19% you are doing bullshit tasks around the house or going to the dentist or filling your gas tank or some other crap you'd rather not be doing.

When you consider that, when you consider that only 23% of your life actually belongs to you, maybe 18 out of your 76 years if you're lucky, and then take away maybe five of those years if you have kids -- time becomes very valuable. The time you own. Priceless.

So when they call you and tell you there's extra shit to be sacked this weekend, and maybe every weekend for awhile, it makes you stop and take measure of your remaining life. How do you want to spend it?

Do you want to stay up late watching old movies on TV?

Do you want to travel?

Do you want to play ball?

Do you want to pound the Bud?

Do you want to embrace your wife, your husband, your kid, your boyfriend, your superintendent, and look at the sunset?

Do you want to open a sandwich shop and live in the suburbs? Driveway, hoop, beer fridge in the garage?

Do you want to reminisce about the good times while sitting by the pool having more good times?

Do you want to be outside more than an hour a day?

Or do you just want to keep on doing what you're doing, giving the man the extra hours he needs and creeping towards death with a blank look on your face?

That's probably the one I'll end up going with.

***

For the first year and then some of verbungle's existence, we had no commenting system in place. We just said a bunch of crap and maybe you read it maybe you didn't. Then, finally, we added the HaloScan shit in June 2004. Geniuses, tell me how many comments have been left since then. Use whatever means are available to you and keep in mind that comments on the lists, predictions, reviews pages, etc. count towards this total. 38 points for an exact guess. 20 if you're within 50 comments. Otherwise, 12 points to whoever's closest.

Also, if anybody wants to handle the softball recap, let me know. Otherwise I'll do the honors.

just a quick note

Here is the answer to Geraldat:



BC gets half credit.

I just thought of BJ Armstrong and got annoyed.

Have a good weekend.

I could use a cold alcoholic beverage.

Don't front.

12 points to whoever can tell me what the slogan was on the Danny Ainge caricature T-shirt in the 1980's. Googling encouraged.

Cold Cold Hampin'

OK this post should have gone up the day before yesterday but honestly Sunday night I was too tired and maybe a little drunk from softball and it was all I could do to throw in three loads of laundry, eat a pizza and watch Entourage before I passed out in my own drool.

And last night believe it or not I was still tired so the softball recap that I am handling will wait until tonight. I could have tossed up a quickie but I didn't. It has to be a good one because we had a good and interesting game with some surprises and some new faces and a truly fantasmagorical finish that left me rolling on the fake turf laughing with joy and disbelief and awkward drunken teenage sexual confusion. Or at least two out of those three.

I met with my editor today and we went over my plan for the softball recap and he was like, I dunno if that'll work. Then he thought about it some more and said, that's ambitious and time-consuming and don't you have a new job and a young baby and a wife and a responsibility to live a regular life with regular hours if for nothing else than your own sanity and then I cut him off and said stop stop stop just tell me do you think I can do it? And he said, goddamn I wouldn't bet against it and I said thanks it's times like these that I remember what I pay you for.

So that's done and it's up and rolling over in its usual place. It may not be good, but hell I tried.

Our buddy Lynn has been on edge lately and would like to be soothed by the image of young Hans atop his trusty steed. We can do that for ya:

I hope you're feeling better. Also remember that you can click on these images to make 'em bigger and then you'll feel even more better.

So like a family of little Diddies we hit the Hamptons this weekend. Bridgehampton to be specific. It was gorgeous. We were only there for like 24 hours but somehow it felt like a vacation. I need to remember to save a few million so I can buy me a country house (speaking of which, I lost the lottery again the other day -- I can't catch a break) someplace. Did you like the placement of those parenthesisesis? I coulda moved 'em over one word and made it all neatlike but something would have been lost.

As feared, I took my shirt off by the pool and was suitably ashamed although there was another dude there whose body hair situation almost trumped my pale gut and burgeoning Mickelson-tits. It definitely made me less self-conscious and allowed me to enjoy the 90 degree day and the 80 degree water.

Country living is pretty swanky. Get up, have a nice fresh sandwich and a beer, take a dip, play with the kids, grill some corn, drink some wine, chat about the grind of city living, pass out. The only thing I would erase from the weekend is the insect life. Beetles and skeeters and hornets and, most frighteningly, a family of angry wasps who fly around your head and want very much to kill you.

We left Sunday after watching the start of the World Cup Final. After France's bogus first goal on a PK, the Frenchman we were watching the game with said it was a good thing because the early goal "will open the game up." Huh? You're playing in the biggest game your sport has to offer and you need to fall behind in order to play aggressively? Good fucking grief. I adore my soccer-loving friends and so I won't weigh in with every uninformed opinion I have about why your sport is so desperately flawed. I'll just say it ain't my bag and leave it at that.

But again I must agree with Moncrief. If the sport is so great, why does it need to be pushed down our throats like a big ugly horse pill?

World Cup = Great Event
Soccer = wtf?

For ten GP's, what exactly did Geraldo find in Al Capone's vault? Don't google or wiki or do any other crazy shit that could make you hate yourself later.

Going on 37

I am 36 years old. Is it possible to improve at anything once you're 36 years old?

Any people out there 36 years old or older who've recently found themselves getting better at something? I could use the encouragement.

Good short week this week, then we drive up to the Hamptons on Saturday morning. Hopefully I can avoid taking my shirt off in front of other, more physically appealing humans. Maybe if I get some Hulk Hands it will distract people away from my 80 year-old body.

A work buddy and I were walking back to the office with our pizza lunch today when he spotted a five dollah bill sitting right there on the sidewalk. Being a good man, he immediately picked it up, marched straight to a newsstand, and bought $5 worth of lottery tickets, insisting that another co-worker and I share in the winnings if -- when -- he wins.

The lottery is at $22 million right now. Let's call it 11 after taxes. I told the dude who found the fiver that he should take a little more, so let's say he takes $4 million and me and the other dude each get 3 and a half.

We started talking about what we would -- will -- do with our money, the usual moronic stuff. I am a complete sucker for lottery fantasy talk. I swore up and down that I wouldn't quit my job right away, and I meant it for a couple of reasons:

-having the job for a few weeks would give me a nice transition into my life of leisure...it would ground me a little bit, keep my head from spinning around and shooting off into space like a champagne cork
-there would be something perversely satisfying about every tough moment on the job, every time you screwed up or got screwed over or got reprimanded for something that somebody else screwed up -- you'd just smile stupidly as if to say, "Oh, shit, I nearly forgot. I have several million dollars in the bank. These problems are all temporary for me."

I'd definitely sleep in a little later every day though.

The guys were talking about the stuff they'd buy, Porsches and whatnot. I realized I don't really crave any of those things.

I'd buy:
-a functional and decent car, maybe something earth-friendly
-a home for my family with a hoop in the driveway
-some CD's

Then I'd give money to some of the people close to me who could use it, and some to charity.

Then I'd save the rest.

One of the guys actually said he would quit his job and sleep in every day, getting up just in time to watch the entire Mike and The Mad Dog show on TV.

I think I'd rather remain broke than listen to those assholes. To me, one of the priviledges of wealth is the freedom to never listen to "Mike and The Mad Dog" anymore. In general, while I like talking about sports, and reading about them, listening to "experts" talk about them is about as interesting to me as a dial tone. Especialy because they are almost universally sub-normal in terms of intelligence. Plus they care too much. Gas Face to them all, Joe Benigno aside.

I was hoping for a better post than this tonight. I was full of energy and the desire to put something good onto the internets, but I didn't have an idea in my head worth pursuing. Maybe tomorrow.

For ten points, what is the best dinosaur?

It's Time for the Good Times

I hope everybody had a great holiday weekend. Mine was very good. Hit all the right notes and wrapped up all the shit that needed to get wrapped up.

I saw the fireworks, or actually like 14% of them. We camped out on a knoll in Stuytown and figured we'd have a minty fresh view. But as it turned out most of the good stuff happened behind a big tree so we missed it. Next year they should factor in that tree.

Fireworks are always good and never really great.

Oh wait, except for the time my friends and I lit up something called "99 Flaming Balls." That was destined to be great no matter what it turned out to be. And great it was.

Tonight we were down there with our nice upstairs neighbors and there were all sorts of people bustling around trying to get a good spot. There were mosquitos and fireflies and there was damp grass and we drank some champagne out of white plastic cups and I thought damn why don't we take that champagne upstairs and sit in the air conditioning watching Warriors-Lakers 1991? But I didn't say anything. I just watched the corner of the fireworks that I could watch and I smiled.

I like nature except when I have to sit in it.

I was about to start the Bruceblog thing but then I saw a couple of comments claiming it wasn't my original idea and I got some temporary cold feet about it. BJL said it was his idea but later explained he was joking. Then some anonymous somebody said it had been done before but didn't provide a link. If I don't see any proof that somebody else thought of it first in the next two days, I am going to move forward. I just need a cool background photo and a nice blog title and we'll be off.

My first post was going to be called "5th of July, Asbury Park." And yes, Sandy was going to figure in there somewhere. Maybe she still will.

Or maybe Sandy's a he! Check back in and find out.

Please don't miss the post below: my great uncle Cornelius checks in and reports a doozy of a deal in Brookland.

For ten points, what fast food chain has the honor of serving me the worst fast food meal I've ever eaten?

I Do Say

Having just returned from the Congo, you might guess I felt a mighty thirst. If I may say it, my mouth felt ashen! Leaving the barqe, I immediately decended with great purpose upon an establishment called "Key Food," which wared a delicious beverage called "Gatorade." The kind and comely Latin woman tending the shop informed me with the most alluring of winks that it was on something called "WEEKLY SPECIAL"; and for a single American dollar a large bottle of this ambrosia would be mine. Needless to say, I had my man at the ship clear a line-item on the ledger for this timely purchase, and may I say it? I thirst no more! I lardered a dozen of these packets of delight, in various delightful flavors and colors, in the barqe's hold just near the ice-blocke, er, which was "procured" in the Antilles upon a the return trip; I won't say how.

And so naturally my next idea was to pen all of Bungledom to "key" them in on this bang-on find! I knew the Keys, Francis Scott was a fine poet and grog-board companion, and may I say, his generosity, in the proxy of this "Key Food," will not go forgotten by the likes of your Great Uncle Cornelius M.

Now, about these bursts in the sky. Are they your American "fireworks", or are they thunder-claps, or are they missiles of prey dispatched from North-Korea? Write soon and above all, be Merrye, for tomorrow ye may Die.

Thiefin'

I intend to get nearly a full post out of yesterday's leftovers.

Before I do, let me alert you that a snazzy new IM-style softball recap is up, blinking its eyes, and breathing the same air as you and me courtesy of Pete and Dan.

Now on to yesterday's stolenbydrunkhansdat challenge.

As a preface, I would like to say that I consider myself for the most part an honest and decent man; I try not to lie more than I have to, and I never steal from anybody. Even when I was a kid I never shoplifted or anything. However, there was a period of my life, say from 1988-1995, where I would occasionally get real drunk and start taking shit that didn't belong to me. It was purely for the thrill of it, the chance that I might get caught. I'm not proud of it. I look back on it with a mixture of mild amusement and complete shame.

OK, disclaimer over, let's get to the scoring:

"st" suggests:
-panties
-Mercedes Hood Ornament

Never stole panties as far as I can recall, and I never stole a Mercedes hood ornament. But I did steal a Cadillac hood ornament one night in maybe 1988. As my friend N and I stumbled home from The Back Fence, one of those horrible Bleecker Street bars that don't seem so horrible when they are serving your underage ass beer after frosty beer, we suddenly came down with hood ornament fever. We tried to break off as many as we could, and I think we each ended up with maybe two. This may be the theft I am most ashamed of. We'll give you 2 points for one half-right answer.

Dipak comes at us with some safe bets:
-beer mugs
-ashtrays
-toilet paper
-Bud Light signs

Beer mugs, yeah I'm pretty sure I stole me some beer mugs back in the day. Same for ashtrays. Toilet paper? Possible, but I'd need my memory jostled so no points there. Bud Light signs? Not that I can recall. Pretty sure that's a no. So Dipak gets a total of 8 points.

Moncrief drops in from Minnesota with a couple of good guesses:
-road sign
-cow

Road sign is a "yes" -- I tried this about eight times, but the only one I ever got was an "Authorized Vehicles Only" sign that I ripped off from a hospital parking lot somewhere in Madison in 1990. Don't remember what hospital even. I was walking home alone after a big night and I got lost, so naturally I began to steal stuff. This sign took about three minutes of good shaking to pry loose, and if I remember correctly the theft was in full view of the hospital lobby. I carried it home across fields and streets and when I finally got to my door I had an attack of guilt. To be more accurate it was probably an attack of fear, fear of getting caught. Didn't they always say stealing road signs was a major no-no and you'd get thrown in the slammer if you got busted? Whatever the case, I stumbled three doors down the block from my apartment and knocked on the door of a neighbor who I knew was a genuine badass. He had a python and a bunch of tattoos and he already owned like ten road signs. It was probably 3am, but he let me in and accepted the sign. Then I went home and passed out.

Never stole a cow.

4 points for The Crief.

Freshly annointed genius cW comes up with three suggestions that are all right on the money. He knew this, of course, because he was involved with each theft.
-napkin dispenser
-bar glasses
-potted plant

The napkin dispenser and bar glasses came in the same night in maybe 1995, again at lame Bleecker Street bars. We had stolen the (Cutty Sark) napkin dispenser from one bar and then we headed on over to the next place to continue our crime spree. We had popped about eight pint glasses into my backpack when all of a sudden the bouncer tapped us on the shoulder. Oops. We were busted -- in fact, I bet the guy said something like, "You're cold busted!" as he made his move. He began pulling glass after glass out of the bag and finally got to the Cutty Sark napkin dispenser. We stopped him.

"Dude, we took that from a different bar," we said.

He couldn't argue -- they didn't have any dispensers like that in the place. He gave it back and kicked us out. But we got to keep our dispenser.

As for the plant, that was more cW's theft, with a couple of us acting as lookouts. He grabbed this 40 pound ficus plant from the Blue and Gold around that same time period, and he just marched it right on out of the premises when the little old lady had her back turned. I think he kept that thing for a few years, too. We'll give cW 10 points for his trouble.

DLee has five guesses:
-doritos
-beer
-gum
-porn
-gummy bears

Strangely, the only one I know for sure I've stolen is beer. Maybe 27 times. I remember once in Madison I had not a red cent to my name and I had gotten separated from my group. It was late, I was in an extremely crowded bar called Madhatters on University Avenue and I was all alone. I grabbed somebody's empty pitcher off the bar, slid it under the tap while the bartender had his head turned, and began filling it. I took my hand off the handle and just let it continue to fill while I looked away innocently. When it was full, I quickly shut off the tap and grabbed the pitcher. Free beer!

I assume I've stolen some of those other things too so I'll give DLee 8 points.

Kois guesses:
-salt shaker
-coke machine
-virginity

Good, clever guesses. But regrettably only salt shaker is correct. 4 points for Kois.

Vic chimes in with:
-construction sawhorse thingies
-darts
-IHOP breakfast
-giant wooden homecoming float fish

All correct, of course, because he was there for each one. 16 points for Vic, and we'll have the story of the stolen homecoming float in an upcoming Trayline post.

So there you have it. Other answers we would have accepted include:
-motorboat (failed)
-rowboat (stolen temporarily in order to access and hopefully steal motorboat)
-crane (failed)
-mini-basketball from pop-a-shot game (succeeded in getting it out of the bar, but busted when I came back and waved it in front of the window in triumph)
-cigarettes
-umbrella
-mixing glass
-shot glasses
-T-shirts (failed)
-bicycle

I'm sure there are more, unfortunately. If you name one that's not on any of these lists, we'll still give you the points.

For ten points, tell me what I was doing when I found out Thurman Munson died in 1979.

I edited this post to take out all the good parts. Can you tell?

If I ever met some dude who was like, "4 day weekends suck" I think I could totally defeat him in a point by point debate about it.

For instance, this current 4 day extravaganza is only halfway done and already:
-I've played basketball (indoors) and played well enough that one of my opponents asked if I had my own instructional video out
-I've played softball under the cool refreshing rain and I've seen BJL hiding under the pitcher's mound to stay dry. Awesome joint recap on the way from PBdotC and Dan K., btw.
-Baby Bungle turned a year old and completed her analysis of the intelligence failures and intentional misrepresenation of facts that helped lead us into the Iraq War
-We ate some damn fine brunch on the UWS at one of our old neighborhood favorites
-I've done 9 loads of laundry
-I've consumed about 5 beers of assorted flavors
-I yelled "Soul Patrol" after hitting a CSHR in softball and nobody heard me
-I rode my bike
-I ate ice cream
-I sang all the words, from memory, to "Highway Patrolman" as I walked to the store, and thought I did an excellent job.

***

Remember the old line "Cocaine is God's way of letting you know you have too much money"? I'd now like to amend it to "Cocaine and in-car DVD players are God's way of letting you know you have too much money."

***

I have been toying lately with the idea of adding a 5th blog to the Bungle empire and I want to gauge your interest. It would be called the Bruceblog or something, and it would pretend to be the day to day musings of a pre-fame Bruce Springsteen as he hustled his way around the Jersey shore in 1971. I would base it on a combination of my strong knowledge of Springsteen lyrics and my vague understanding of his life history. It might be good. You know, chasing the factory girls under the boardwalk where they all promise to unsnap their jeans and stuff like that. Whattaya think?

***

Every once in a while I allude to the fact that I only have like 5 DVD's to my name. And I will almost get up the nerve to list them, but then I get too embarrassed. So instead I just let one slip out every now and then.

Today I am letting it slip that I own Go, Doug Liman's 1999 kids-on-the-run action-comedy. I loved it when I saw it in the theater, just a pure smile from beginning to end, the same way I felt when I saw Dazed and Confused. And Go is never on TV. So I bought that shit. And tonight I finally watched it for the first time in 7 years.

The good news is that it's still a well-above average movie. The plot, a multi-character, multi-storyline Tarantino knockoff, is very neatly executed and there are lots of really good performances. Taye Diggs, William Fitchner and Timothy Olyphant in particular just completely dominate.

But as I prepared to watch it again, I worried about two things:
1) that the movie would be hopelessly stuck in 1999
2) that the movie would be a middle-aged man's embarrassing attempt to understand and portray youth culture.

Neither of those were really the problem. The problem is that for a fuel-injected, high-octane thrill ride, it ain't that exciting. It just kind of happens. There are some great great moments, and it never drags, but it's really just a collection of good to very good scenes. You never get fully involved in any of the characters or their stories.

I still love it. In fact, I think you could say that I have a soft spot for this type of movie:
-young characters coming of age
-people getting their drink and/or drug on
-little to no meaningful action
-the entire movie taking place within a 24 hour period

In this case, things got even better because they had "Steal My Sunshine" on the soundtrack. I am surprised this movie never became a cult hit with stoners. Maybe it's because there aren't that many great lines; most of the characters talk like real people and interact in somewhat realistic ways. Maybe it's because it's just not that good. I dunno.

I give it a 22.7 on the VRS and I offer to lend it to anyone who's interested.

***

Remember when we used to make lists? I do. That shit was fun. So I've made a new one today. It won't take you long to read it.

Four GP's for every item you can name that I've stolen or tried to steal when drunk.