Johnson, Party of One

Dear friends,

I was trying to get a rise out of you with the previous 1990-hating post. Didn't really work. Whatevs. Lots of good stuff in 1990 (Jeezus -- GOODFELLAS!), although probably nothing as good as the ol' reverse weave sweatshirt. I guess Champion is bringing them shits back, too. Go ahead and buy me one, then un-stitch the logo so it's plain. Thank you.

Good weekend. Played fullcourt ball for the first time in about 9 months. Missed a wide-open layup on a 2 on 1 fast break the first time I touched the ball. Got better after that. Was told I looked skinnier (unlikely) and that I didn't look rusty. I am going to try to play every weekend in 2007. If I can make it every other weekend that'll be fine. Cliff Robinson is still going, why not me?

I wore my Air Jordans. What the hell am I doing in Air Jordans?

Hey wait a sec -- whatever happened to Keith Van Horn?

Ran into the Monkeyweb family, including Uncle Hank, at one of the two (soon to be three) local restaurants. When Stuytown finally prices us all out in a couple of years, that is one thing I'll miss. Having so many friends around to run into. Did you know that Big Jim Lang, Isired, Joe & Mrs. Monkeyweb, EJ, and I all live in the same apartment complex? It's like a small town. Complete with strange sense of isolation.

Drank a couple of beers down. Remember when I used to drink like 80 of 'em? Drink drinkity drink. Another please. These are delicious. Let's go steal something. I'm hungry. I'm sorry I said that. Glug glug glug. Dag, those days is gone. The one thing I miss about benders (actually it's probably one of like 12 things I miss about 'em) is the sense that you were doing something spectacular. Even if it was your same goofy friends in your same shithole bar, if you drank enough, something was gonna HAPPEN. Something BIG. An EVENT. A STORY. At least I always felt that way. Booze brings out my inner superstar.

Good football games this weekend. Even though I don't follow it very closely, I must admit that football is a marvelous game. The teamwork is beautiful to watch. Bodies flying everywhere, pain and blood and tight pants and triumph and pulled hammies, and it looks real real good in HD. And could that Tom Brady be any dreamier? No. Don't think so.

I also did some childproofing in Baby Bungle's room. I basically just attached a couple of shelving units to the wall so they don't topple. Crsmal, I coulda used you. It wasn't pretty. I couldn't find a stud. Then I put the brackets in a place that would leave the shelves too close to the crib and Ma Bungle made me do it over again. The shelving units are annoying, they only have a partial back to them. Whatever, it's done and it's at least a little safer than it was before.

I will spend MLK day at the office, sacking away like any other Monday. Sacking shit, MLK Day, what else do I have to say?

I downloaded limewire yesterday. Not sure how I feel about it. I like the logo.

Here are a couple lines that occured to me over the last few days. You can use them in your next screenplay/novel/affidavit/marital spat:

1) "You taught me everything you thought you knew" (alternate: "You taught me everything you didn't know" or "You taught me everything you never knew") -- this might work for a scene when a son is confronting a father in some big emotional showdown.

2) "I had to peel back all the truths to get to the big lie in the center" -- a modified version of something I overheard a dude saying on a stoop the other day on East 9th street. This one will work well in your pivotal breakup scene.

Sincerely,

Tank D. Johnson

P.S. 10 GP's for every decent porno-adjusted title for a movie released in 2006. You can use this as a guide.

For instance, Apocalypto could become Acockalypto or Apussylipto or A Cock I Licked, Yo. Or something better.