I wish I had a horse's cock...instead of this big thing

I saw a horse take a piss on the corner of 8th Avenue and 57th street today. It must have been a female horse because a) I didn't see the accompanying gigantic horsecock and b) the urine just seemed to come from everywhere, as if the horse's stomach had a huge trap door in it and there was 50 gallons of urine behind that trap door. It was incredible. I've seen horses shit before, and that's a pretty decent spectacle in its own right, but this was just ridiculous. It lasted like ten seconds, too. Ten long, pissy seconds. The entire street started staring and pointing. I was howling with laughter. The dude next to me just said, "That's fucking rude." I don't know what he expects from a poor goddamn horse.

Way to fucking go, horsey!

Then I was walking down Stuyvesant Street, looking for the purple Plymouth that's usually parked there. I couldn't find it. I wonder if the owner died or sold the car or if he just couldn't get a parking space. I always wonder stupid shit like that.

While I was looking for the Plymouth, I overheard this li'l snippet from two dudes who had just run into each other and seemed to be old acquaintances from the neighborhood.

Dude #1 (sketchy as hell): Tommeeee! What's up man? (said with great affection)
Dude #2 (less sketchy): What the fuck man, you takin' a piss in the the middle of the street? (said with great disdain)
Dude #1: Nah, man. Come on. I'm just waiting for someone. (said defensively)

I think Dude #1 had indeed just been pissing in the street.

So what I'm saying is that New York City today was up to its ankles in street-piss.

On a happier note, we have a WINNER in the latest genius challenge! Smoker joins cW and Joe M. in the annals of geniusdom. I may actually get around to sending each of you something, so please send me your name and address if you're interested (bungmeister at verbungle dottt com). Smoker, that was beautiful work all season long, especially the poignant shake shack letter today. PoCho Pete, your poem was tremendously entertaining as well.

Anonymous hostile haloscan commenters please note, I can look your IP address up on the internets and get an idea what city and state you are commenting from. I can also put you on the block. So try to play nice.