your penis is stupid

And I'm gonna prove it with my Penis IQ Test (Patent Pending).

Just follow these simple steps:

1. Make sure nobody else is home.
2. Go over to the couch and grab a loose cushion.
3. Begin humping the cushion in an exaggerated, ridiculous, completely unsexy manner.
4. As soon as the humping begins, think of a series of 5 horrible, unsexy things and linger on each one in your mind for approximately 10 seconds as you continue humping. Make them whatever you personally find most horrible and unsexy. Your list might look something like this...
-Will Ferrell's stomach
-A dead, overturned horseshoe crab being munched on by flies and beetles
-The video that PoCho Pete posted a link to last week
-Curt Schilling's unwiped anus
-The old woman in Kingpin who Woody Harrelson screws to avoid paying rent
...but it's completely up to you. You might want to write them down ahead of time so you don't forget.
5. Periodically check to see if you got a boner. You did, didn't you! Your stupid penis actually thought you were having sex. Just take a moment to understand how stupid that is. If you didn't get some kind of a boner by the 50 second mark, begin thinking about something really sexy. There, now you have a boner!
6. Tally your score. For every 10 miserable seconds you were able to go without getting a boner, your penis gets 10 IQ points. If you get to 140 seconds, your penis is a genius. Or you are impotent.

Thanks for you time and we look forward to hearing from you regarding your totals and the items on your list.

P.S. Every time I see this movie I shake my fist at the sky and curse the fact that I have a day job and will have one 'til I'm too old for anyone to hire me.