HEY KNICK FANS –TELL ME HOW GALLINARI’S ASS TASTES!

..answer: like over-cooked pasta with vomit ragu.

DLEE DRAFT GRADES

Atlanta Hawks 

Grade: lazy

Round 1: None
Round 2: None

Analysis: No picks? I wonder what their war room looks like. Do they just hang out, chug brews, and play Wii? I’m curious..

Boston Celtics 

Grade: B

Round 1: J. R. Giddens (30)
Round 2: Bill Walker (47), Semih Erden (60)

Analysis: Giddens looks pretty talented but they made his personality seem like the second coming of Denzel in Training Day. I predict a bitch-slap moment with Paul Piece in the future that culminates in a full-on Bloods vs Crips shootout ten yards from the Fleet Center.
Side note: Bill Walker is a good find this late assuming his legs hold up ..which I highly doubt.

Charlotte Bobcats 

Grade: F

Round 1: D.J. Augustin (9), Alexis Ajinca (20)
Round 2: Kyle Weaver (38)

Analysis: Are you shitting me? Wow. MCJ has to be the worst judge of NBA personnel in history. How can someone so good on the basketball court be so clueless off it. Oh wait, Elgin Baylor, Magic, and Bill Russell were insanely incompetent too. Guess Shaq’s future as a GM is gonna be a real shit-storm.
Augustin is a worse version of Jameer Nelson and to take him here over Bayless when you already have Felton is bananas. Then taking a lanky big guy who averaged FOUR POINTS in --FRANCE?
I’m gonna make a crazy call here ..Bobcats in lottery next year.

Chicago Bulls 

Grade: A

Round 1: Derrick Rose (1)
Round 2: Omer Asik (36), Sonny Weems (39)

Analysis: Lucky motherfuckers. First MCJ, then the Curry trade, then Rose. As CP3 proved, one amazing point guard who plays D and has a team-first attitude can turn an entire franchise around. The fact they can trade now Hienrick for front-line help makes them that much sicker. All they need now is some dipshit fools to take the Larry Hughes contract off their blood-stained hands. *cough* ..KNICKS..*cough*.
Side note: I love watching the Bulls war room where they pretend to be nervous when they knew they were taking Rose a month ago. Perhaps they were scared Rose’d get assassinated by Isaiah on the way to the podium.

Cleveland Cavaliers 

Grade: C+

Round 1: J. J. Hickson (19)
Round 2: None

Analysis: Call me crazy, I don’t think JJ Hickson is gonna motivate LaBron to stay in Cleveland. Highlights made him look like a dark Tyler Hansborough ..if that’s possible.
JZ is already writing a HOT 97 single in prep for BronBron’s move to Brooklyn.

Dallas Mavericks 

Grade: D

Round 1: None
Round 2: Shan Foster (51)

Analysis:. It is soooooo over in Dallas. They’re gonna disappear faster than the Steam-punk fashion trend. What’s that? You don’t know what Steam-punk is? Don’t worry, it’s already over ..just like Dallas dreams of the finals after the Kidd trade.
They need to trade Dirk now before it becomes too late. If they don’t act soon they’re gonna do some dumb Gasol-like panic trade when Dirk starts phoning it in. Like the Gasol trade to the Kidd trade, or the Garnett trade to the Shaq trade ..this proves how the right/wrong move when on the cusp can either put you over the top or absolutely destroy your franchise.

Denver Nuggets 

Grade: Lame

Round 1: None
Round 2: None

Well done Denver. Miss the play-offs next year and then completely implode. So much for the idiotic notion of 2 superstar scorers on the same squad being an unquestionable path to success.
Note to George “Melonhead” Karl: defense wins championships ..try it one day.

Detroit Pistons 

Grade: whatever
Round 1: None

Round 2: Walter Sharpe (32), Trent Plaisted (46), Deron Washington (59)

Analysis: I don’t know any of these dudes. I doubt you’ll ever know them either.

Golden State Warriors 

Grade: C+

Round 1: Anthony Randolph (14)
Round 2: Richard Hendrix (49)

Analysis: Randolph is so skinny that if he gained 20 pounds he’d be considered a human bamboo pole. Serious, this guy may be the first bulimic basketball player in the history of the NBA. 6’10” and 197 lbs?? To put this in MMA perspective (*as I often like to do) he’d have to GAIN 8 pounds to fight the 6 foot Chuck Liddell as a LIGHT-heavyweight. (At least Randolph would have a hell of a reach, no?)
Speaking of reaches, I think this guy is a reach at 14 for GS. They just took last years clone of this dude last year in Brandon Wright.
Nelson better get these motherfuckers to Dinky Doughnuts ..fast.

Houston Rockets 

Grade: B+

Round 1: Donte Greene (28)
Round 2: Joey Dorsey (33), Maarty Leunen (54)

Analysis: Nice job for picking so late. This guy Green is more soft in game and brains than a retarded nerd with erectile dysfunction in a Nolita singles bar. Still, he does have “upside” at the 28 spot.

As for Dorsey, I’m one of his few fans. He’s a total Larry Smith, Rodman, Charles Oakley throwback. He’s small but (when motivated) he can rebound and defend like a demon from the gates of hell. At worst, he’s the second coming of Reggie Evans. At best, he’s a mini-Ben Wallace.

Still, Houston already has Chuck Hayes so I guess it’s kind of redundant.

Indiana Pacers 

Grade: A

Round 1: Brandon Rush (13), Roy Hibbert (17)

Big night for Larry legend (*legendarily boring interview as well ..did you see that shit? If not, it’s probably cause you fell asleep). Anyway, getting a broken down O’Neal and 18 million per off the books while picking up TJ Ford and Hibbert in exchange is pure genius. You get undervalued size in Hibbert (waaaay undervalued) and pick up a winner in TJ (*wish the Knicks got him) while also creating cap space for the future.
Then they lucked out with Bayless but were so over stocked at PG they traded him for Rush & Jack (both solid/good attitude guys ..but mediocre). All they gotta do now is dump Tinsley and they’re set. I think you’ll see surprising improvement in this squad next year and then no doubt in summer 2009.
A+ for the TJ/Hibbert trade
B- for not getting better value for Bayless

Los Angeles Clippers

Grade: A-

Round 1: Eric Gordon (7)
Round 2: DeAndre Jordan (35), Mike Taylor (55)

Analysis: I’m also a rare full-on Gordon fan. Everyone jumped off his bandwagon when he struggled during the second half when he injured his hand and Indiana went down in flames. The guy has mad range on his J and barrels over defenders like a bowling ball on way to the hoop. If Ben Gordan can make it at 6’3” there’s no reason to think Eric can’t as well. At worst, he’s the second coming of JR Smith. At best, he could be the second coming of Mitch Richmond.
As for DeAndre, hilarious that scouts used to project this guy at NUMBER THREE in the draft. Still, at 35 this is a no-lose pick. If he pans out the Clippers look like geniuses. If not, who cares..

Los Angeles Lakers 

Grade: assy

Round 1: None
Round 2: Joe Crawford (58)

Analysis: Joey Crawford’s in the draft? I woulda taken Dick Bavetta..

Memphis Grizzlies

Grade: Hmmm.

Round 1: O.J. Mayo (3), Darrell Arthur (27)
Round 2: None

Analysis: Mike Miller/Love/Cardinal for Mayo/Jaric’s horrid contract. Looks like a great move for McHale initially. Still, if the Grizz parley Mayo into Beasly (as I expect them to) it could be an outstanding move (*assuming they don’t include Conely in the Miami deal). That said, I think Mayo is going to be a good pro but I don’t see him as anything too amazing ..he’ll be Billups at best (*and probably take just as long to fulfill his full potential).
Mayo also wins the Greg Oden award for oldest face in the draft.
As for Arthur (*AKA: this year’s green-room roadkill), I was never a big fan of this guy but at 27 he’s a steal. I was wrong about David West --maybe Arthur can fit that bill as well..

Miami Heat

Grade: Hmmm.

Round 1: Michael Beasley (2)
Round 2: Mario Chalmers (34), Darnell Jackson (52)

Analysis: Oh Beasly. Your DUI is waiting…as is your paternity suit..as is your lawsuit from the guy you punched at Scores…as is your fine for walking out of practice while dumping over the Gatorade tank.. as is your suspension for bitching to the press that your coach is a douchebag...as is..
Get the picture?
I also picture him dropping 20p 10r in his sleep. Trouble is, Z-bo can do the same thing and look where he’s at..
Chalmers is a nice find at 34. They were talking about him at 12 which was crazy but to get him in the second is mighty sweet. Unlike Beasly, he seems like the kind of guy who’ll be a nice back-up PG for the next 10 years and then winds up even better as a coach. His acquisition could effect the pending Memphis trade.

Milwaukee Bucks 

Grade: B

Round 1: Joe Alexander (8)
Round 2: Luc Richard Mbah a Moute (37)

Analysis: The Jefferson trade was sweet but what the hell do they do with Alexander now? He’s two inches short of a Gugliotta. That’s a very important 2 inches.
Moute looks like a nice role player. Didn’t know he’s an African prince. That said, doesn’t he have something more important to do with his time than sit and watch Redd drain 3’s?

Minnesota Timberwolves 

Grade: B

Round 1: Kevin Love (5)
Round 2: Nikola Pekovic (31)

Analysis: I think the Mayo trade works pretty well for Minn ..if they were in the EAST. Frankly, I just think getting Miller and Love improves the Wolves just enough to make them mediocre in the west. It’s a possible talent upgrade but:
A) Love COULD be a total bust (..although I’m hoping not).
B) Love and Jefferson are both short/stocky post-up guys.
At least, they got rid of Jaric’s contract, no?
Side note: Pekovic looks pretty good ..too bad he’s on lockdown for 2 years.

New Jersey Nets 

Grade: B

Round 1: Brook Lopez (10), Ryan Anderson (21)
Round 2: Chris Douglas-Roberts (39)

Analysis: Mixed.
1) Brook Lopez at 10 is a safe pick considering Kristic is probably toast. Still, the buzz is he doesn’t like to play basketball and here’s what was overheard as they miced him during the draft: “~this is BOR-ring!!” “Who’s the coach of the Nets? Frank? Who’s that?” “Can we switch the TV monitor to the Euro Cup??” (alright, I made up the last one..) Anyway, I wouldn’t expect much more than 13p 7r outta this guy down the road.
2) Ryan Anderson: they compare him to a poor white-man’s Yi. Unless you’re trying to corner the market on future Brad Lohaus/Brad Sellers wannabes I don’t see the point.
3) CDR: I completely don’t understand how he goes so late. Where’s the flaw major in his game?? Handle ..check. Shot ..check. Defense ..check. Creativity ..check. Winning experience ..check. Length ..check. Seriously, he might be better than Gallinari. Totally reminds me of a 6’6” Cutino Mobley.
4) As for Yi/Jefferson: If you get LaBron in 2010 ..okay. Otherwise, LAAAAME.

New Orleans Hornets

Grade: Blah

Round 1: None
Round 2: None

Analysis: The Hornets sold the No. 27 pick to the Blazers for $3 million. Unless they were gonna take CDR (which they should have) I’d say it’s a good move.

New York Knicks

Grade: VOMMIT

Round 1: Danilo Gallinari (6)
Round 2: Got this e-mail from Hans:

dude,

i know nothing about this guinea the knicks just drafted...but his highlight reel was hugely depressing. usually the international highlight reels are full of amazing moves, dunks, etc.

this guy looks slow and unexplosive. and he's 6'8". is he a SF?

tell me he's awesome. please.
hans

MY REPLY:
unbelievable they passed on Gordon & Bayless for this dude. i can almost guarantee both average double digits rookie year. even the schmucks who drafted him played down his skills saying shit like, "should turn into a solid player" "pretty good at a lot of stuff" "doesn't need to start". "has defensive issues he needs to work on"

I wanted Avery Johnson as coach. he NEVER woulda taken this al dente piece of shit. looks like the Knick philosophy hasn't changed. D is not a pre-requisite to play on the team. ironic you e-mailed me about Gallinari. i made a comparison of his game to Polsky while we watched the draft...some guy named Hans Bungle.

translation: Gallinari might do well at Children's Aid but may have major problems in the NBA.

i could be wrong but ...groan.

dlee

Orlando Magic

Grade: B-

Round 1: Courtney Lee (22)
Round 2: None

Analysis: Solid not great …totally shoulda gone for CDR.

Philadelphia 76ers 

Grade: A-

Round 1: Marreese Speights (16)
Round 2: None

Analysis: Gotta say, this guy looks like he could be a major steal. Good size, athleticism, young, good stroke, fluid motion. The knock was on his conditioning. I’d say it’s worth risking a 16 pick on lottery talent at that spot.

Phoenix Suns 

Grade: B+

Round 1: Robin Lopez (15)
Round 2: Malik Hairston (48)

Analysis: Robin Lopez seems way cooler than his brother. I get a feeling him and Nash are gonna be smoking pot and riding around the Village on skateboards a lot. Who wouldn’t want to hang with a 7ft Sideshow Bob? Can’t wait to see him and Varejao guarding each other. Play by play guys will be spitting bad jokes like watermelon seeds at a county fair..
Hope Robin doesn’t wind up tasting Shaq’s ass.

Portland Trail Blazers

Grade: A

Round 1: Jerryd Bayless (11), Nicolas Batum (25)
Round 2: None

Analysis: I’ve recently pondered moving to Portland and this confirms how cool it would be in terms of hoops. Assuming Oden healthy, they are SOOOOO loaded for the next 5 years. Add last years well-reviewed import Rudy Fernandez to the mix and these guys are sitting in the catbird seat of the future. Oden, Roy, Aldridge, Bayless, Fernandez, Allen’s deep pockets, Pritchard as GM, McMiilian as coach = future success.
Not only that, they got Frye, Outlaw, Batum, and Webster to use as trade bait.
Sick.

Sacramento Kings 

Grade: C

Round 1: Jason Thompson (12)
Round 2: Sean Singletary (42), Patrick Ewing Jr. (43)

Analysis: Nice kid. Passable game. Kinda early in the draft for another Channing Frye.

San Antonio Spurs 

Grade: ?

Round 1: George Hill (26)
Round 2: Goran Dragic (42), James Gist (57)

Analysis: No idea.

Seattle SuperSonics

Grade: C+

Round 1: Russell Westbrook (4), Serge Ibaka (24), D.J. White (29)
Round 2: DeVon Hardin (50), Sasha Kaun (56)

Analysis: Westbrook claims he's a point guard. Hey, i can also claim to be a point guard when i'm on the court. Still, any asshole who's ever seen me handle the rock (like a drunken sailor handling a sloppy French whore) knows if I'm at the helm you better look at the sidelines for someone better to guide your ship. Don't get me wrong, he's a phenom athlete who plays great D and finishes. Thing is, he can't really shoot and has no mid-range game. kinda like ...Fred Jones or Antonio Daniels.
This is a major reach.
DJ White = Lonnie Baxter
Ibaka = whatever
Kaun = actual decent back-up C with Jeff Forster potential ..still, he already signed a contract in Russia so..

Toronto Raptors 

Grade: ?&(^%!

Round 1: None
Round 2: Nathan Jawai (41)

Analysis: I think the O’Neal trade is eerily similar to the dreaded Kidd trade. Giving up a young stud for a high-priced vet on the downturn?
Time will tell..

Utah Jazz 

Grade: A-

Round 1: Kosta Koufos (23)
Round 2: Ante Tomic (44), Tadija Dragicevic (53)

Analysis: Koufos was supposed to be top 10 next year. I’ve seen this guy. He’s pretty damn good for a legit 7 footer. Give him a year or two and this could be a major steal.

Washington Wizards

Grade: D-

Round 1: JaVale McGee (18)
Round 2: None

Analysis: El Busto.
Never EVER draft a 7 foot guy who averages 7 rebounds in a shit conference.
Especially, if the have a ridiculous name like JaVale McGee.
Smell ya later..
DLEE