infrequently asked questions
In case you're new to this blog, here is some basic information about me that you might find helpful.
Q: How fast can you throw a baseball?
A: I can throw a baseball roughly 60 mph.
Q: How much Budweiser beer can you drink?
A: I can drink Budweiser beer indefinitely. Basically, until you tap me on the shoulder and say, "Enough."
Q: What's in those non-FDA-approved green health shakes you've been drinking?
Brown Rice, Glutinous Millet, Sorghum, Millet, Job's Tears (wtf?), Glutinous Brown Rice, Barley, Red Bean, Black Sesame Seed, Soybean, Small Black Sesame, Potato, Kale, Angelica Utilis (dirty!), Cabbage, Radish, Radish Leaves, Barley Leaves, Broccoli, Leek, Carrot, Burdock, Codonopsis Lanceolata (they just made that up!), Pumpkin, Citron, Tomato, Shitake Mushroom, Reishi Mushroom, Laver, Brown Seaweed, Sea Tangle, Sea Lettuce.
Q: How do they taste?
Like a combination of Brown Rice, Glutinous Millet, Sorghum, Millet, Job's Tears, Glutinous Brown Rice, Barley, Red Bean, Black Sesame Seed, Soybean, Small Black Sesame, Potato, Kale, Angelica Utilis, Cabbage, Radish, Radish Leaves, Barley Leaves, Broccoli, Leek, Carrot, Burdock, Codonopsis Lanceolata, Pumpkin, Citron, Tomato, Shitake Mushroom, Reishi Mushroom, Brown Seaweed, Sea Tangle, and Sea Lettuce.
You can't hardly taste the Laver at all.
Q: Tell us about your "dunk" again.
A: It was questionable, but it counts. Sorta. Oh, hell, just have a look.
Q: What do you think of Facebook?
A: I am kind of addicted, but also on the verge of deleting my account at any given minute. It is scarily effective at what it does, but I could also see it leading to a bunch of really freaky shit happening, from professional embarrassment to busted friendships to...MURDER! Seriously. Kinda.
Q: What do you look like?
A: On a good day, like this. On a good night, like this. In a distant memory, like this. After a rough day at work, a little like this. Most often, like this.
Q: What's your favorite Replacements lyric?
A: Man, there's a shitload of 'em. Here's a good one:
pretty girl keep growin' up
playin' makeup, wearin' guitar
growin' old in a bar
you grow old in a bar
Q: Who's your secret crush?
A: It's really no secret: it's Lily Tomlin.
Q: How do you want to be remembered?
A: As a good father, a good husband, and...that's it. That's life, and that's what life is.
Just kidding, I got that line from an old insurance ad from the 80's.
I'd really like to be remembered as a streetball legend, but time is running out.
Q: With your skill set, how tall would you have had to be to play in the NBA?
A: 7'9" -- with no problem at all.
Q: If you could give one food magical nutritional powers that would make it the only thing you'd ever have to eat, what food would it be?
A: Probably popcorn.
Q: What basketball shoe from your youth would you like to own again?
A: Maybe the green X-Man Spot-bilts. They were sweet.
Q: How much do you sleep?
A: About 5 hours a night.
Q: What song lyric do you most often find yourself singing for no reason?
A: "When you're lost in the rain in Juarez, and it's Eastertime, too"
Q: Why should I waste my time reading your stupid blog, you moron?
A: You got me.
Q: What makes you cry?
A: Thinking about my pop. September 11th. Kids dying. Watching certain moments of corny athletic triumph and/or camaraderie. Regret. Bugs in my eye. Being punched in the nuts while coughing.
Q: What makes you laugh?
A: Mr. Bean. That's it.
Q: Who are your heroes?
A: Only failures have heroes. I've got like 50. You know who you are.
Q: What's Sexy Now?
A: I've got to be honest here: me.
Q: What is the general standard of excellence that we should all aspire to?
A: Beer-bong-beer.
Q: What will make you tip your cap every time?
A: Ordering the 2-egg special with 10 additional eggs.
Q: What is the best sport?
A: Basketball (when done right).
Q: What is the worst sport?
A: Hockey.
Q: Where do you see yourself in ten years?
A: California.
Q: When will you grow another moustache?
A: No time soon. Maybe in like two years (don't tell my wife).
Q: What's the best nickname you've ever had?
A: I've never really had a good nickname. The best one was probably Big Cock George.
Q: What's longer, a) the list of people throughout your life who you probably owe an apology to, or b) the list of people who should probably apologize to you?
A: a) by a lot. I've been treated incredibly fairly by people, and I've often been a dick in return. Sorry about that, humanity.
Q: What does everybody else like except you?
A: The "Lord of the Rings" movies.
Q: What does nobody like except you?
A: My singing. And your mom.
Q: Anything else?
A: Maybe later.
Q: How fast can you throw a baseball?
A: I can throw a baseball roughly 60 mph.
Q: How much Budweiser beer can you drink?
A: I can drink Budweiser beer indefinitely. Basically, until you tap me on the shoulder and say, "Enough."
Q: What's in those non-FDA-approved green health shakes you've been drinking?
Brown Rice, Glutinous Millet, Sorghum, Millet, Job's Tears (wtf?), Glutinous Brown Rice, Barley, Red Bean, Black Sesame Seed, Soybean, Small Black Sesame, Potato, Kale, Angelica Utilis (dirty!), Cabbage, Radish, Radish Leaves, Barley Leaves, Broccoli, Leek, Carrot, Burdock, Codonopsis Lanceolata (they just made that up!), Pumpkin, Citron, Tomato, Shitake Mushroom, Reishi Mushroom, Laver, Brown Seaweed, Sea Tangle, Sea Lettuce.
Q: How do they taste?
Like a combination of Brown Rice, Glutinous Millet, Sorghum, Millet, Job's Tears, Glutinous Brown Rice, Barley, Red Bean, Black Sesame Seed, Soybean, Small Black Sesame, Potato, Kale, Angelica Utilis, Cabbage, Radish, Radish Leaves, Barley Leaves, Broccoli, Leek, Carrot, Burdock, Codonopsis Lanceolata, Pumpkin, Citron, Tomato, Shitake Mushroom, Reishi Mushroom, Brown Seaweed, Sea Tangle, and Sea Lettuce.
You can't hardly taste the Laver at all.
Q: Tell us about your "dunk" again.
A: It was questionable, but it counts. Sorta. Oh, hell, just have a look.
Q: What do you think of Facebook?
A: I am kind of addicted, but also on the verge of deleting my account at any given minute. It is scarily effective at what it does, but I could also see it leading to a bunch of really freaky shit happening, from professional embarrassment to busted friendships to...MURDER! Seriously. Kinda.
Q: What do you look like?
A: On a good day, like this. On a good night, like this. In a distant memory, like this. After a rough day at work, a little like this. Most often, like this.
Q: What's your favorite Replacements lyric?
A: Man, there's a shitload of 'em. Here's a good one:
pretty girl keep growin' up
playin' makeup, wearin' guitar
growin' old in a bar
you grow old in a bar
Q: Who's your secret crush?
A: It's really no secret: it's Lily Tomlin.
Q: How do you want to be remembered?
A: As a good father, a good husband, and...that's it. That's life, and that's what life is.
Just kidding, I got that line from an old insurance ad from the 80's.
I'd really like to be remembered as a streetball legend, but time is running out.
Q: With your skill set, how tall would you have had to be to play in the NBA?
A: 7'9" -- with no problem at all.
Q: If you could give one food magical nutritional powers that would make it the only thing you'd ever have to eat, what food would it be?
A: Probably popcorn.
Q: What basketball shoe from your youth would you like to own again?
A: Maybe the green X-Man Spot-bilts. They were sweet.
Q: How much do you sleep?
A: About 5 hours a night.
Q: What song lyric do you most often find yourself singing for no reason?
A: "When you're lost in the rain in Juarez, and it's Eastertime, too"
Q: Why should I waste my time reading your stupid blog, you moron?
A: You got me.
Q: What makes you cry?
A: Thinking about my pop. September 11th. Kids dying. Watching certain moments of corny athletic triumph and/or camaraderie. Regret. Bugs in my eye. Being punched in the nuts while coughing.
Q: What makes you laugh?
A: Mr. Bean. That's it.
Q: Who are your heroes?
A: Only failures have heroes. I've got like 50. You know who you are.
Q: What's Sexy Now?
A: I've got to be honest here: me.
Q: What is the general standard of excellence that we should all aspire to?
A: Beer-bong-beer.
Q: What will make you tip your cap every time?
A: Ordering the 2-egg special with 10 additional eggs.
Q: What is the best sport?
A: Basketball (when done right).
Q: What is the worst sport?
A: Hockey.
Q: Where do you see yourself in ten years?
A: California.
Q: When will you grow another moustache?
A: No time soon. Maybe in like two years (don't tell my wife).
Q: What's the best nickname you've ever had?
A: I've never really had a good nickname. The best one was probably Big Cock George.
Q: What's longer, a) the list of people throughout your life who you probably owe an apology to, or b) the list of people who should probably apologize to you?
A: a) by a lot. I've been treated incredibly fairly by people, and I've often been a dick in return. Sorry about that, humanity.
Q: What does everybody else like except you?
A: The "Lord of the Rings" movies.
Q: What does nobody like except you?
A: My singing. And your mom.
Q: Anything else?
A: Maybe later.
Labels: IAQ
posted by hans q. bungle at 01:00
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