the highs and lows of human existence

At some point in our lives we all want to be great. Then we slowly figure out over time that it's not gonna happen. We're not going to make the diving catch into the stands to preserve the World Series victory for the Yankees, and even if we did, what are the odds of us landing in the lap of the pretty girl we've always secretly loved and winning her eternal affection in the process? Poor, friends. The odds are poor.

We're mostly just going to show up at our jobs and try not to screw up too badly, take home some money to the person who's agreed to love us, and then maybe watch some TV before bed.

Inside we may cling to some percentage of our original sense of damn-I'm-awesomeness, but it keeps seeping out little by little until it's maybe just a vague feeling in the back of our consciousness that only surfaces once in a while, say when we hit a home run in an interoffice softball game, etc.

But the failures and non-successes and same-old same-olds that fill out our personal box scores every day are probably more representative of who we are as people than this abstract glimmer in our souls that says we are special and destined for more than this.

In all likelihood, this is it. We are not more than this.

So in lieu of actual greatness, I have decided to approach each day as a chance to be good. Good can be defined a lot of ways, of course.

-Was the day personally satisfying? Did you receive unexpected blowjobs or undue praise? Did you eat a giant delicious baked potato?

-Did you contribute positively to the well-being of the universe? Did you leave the world in a slighhtly better place than you found it this morning? (And if so, were you rewarded with unexpected blowjobs?)

-Did you avoid fucking shit up too badly for yourself or others? I suppose this relates to the other two items above but there's nothing like a big ol' fuckup to launch you into a sense of cosmic queasiness. One bad fuckup can negate a whole lot of good stuff.

I worked 14 hours today. Like 4 things went against me at the job but I overcame them all. Got a little kid time. Did some dishes. Made a blog post. Ate a bowl of cereal. You know, the usual. As I was scrubbing the dishes at 1:30 am, a sense of mild positivity washed over me, as if to say, "Bungle, you did alright today. You treated people good, you worked hard, you encountered some hardships and dealt with them, and you experienced a barely measurable sense of pleasure a couple of times. Not too bad."

I guess this is what I was getting at when I was experimenting with the short-lived Profiles in Dignity crap and most definitely the PFI crap. I just think it's important that we step back now and then and evaluate how shit is going. Are we miserable and forgetting to notice it? Or are things pretty good and we should be damn thankful?

Remember, none of this is to say you should not grasp at moments of real greatness when you have a chance. You might even find yourself listed on a relaunched version of this strange old thing.

In the spirit of nostalgia, here is a 25 point lyric stumpah. No googlin', friends -- it'll lower your PFI for the day:

Lonely is only a place
You dont know what it's like
You cant fight it
Its a hole in my heart
In my heart

Another 12 points for telling me what song this little section seems to have been completely lifted from musically.

By the way, today was an 83. It was like a 71 until I found out that Joe Monkeyweb is back in business. Hooray!