true shit
25 Undeniable Facts That You Cannot Deny:
1) Lance Armstrong is a cheating bastard. While this slightly tarnishes his 7 Tour de France wins, it does not diminish his most remarkable achievement: cheating in the Tour de France for at least 7 years straight without being caught. As an aside: he is a dick. Anyone who says of his own lovemaking ability, "I've never had any compaints" = dick.
2) Billy Martin would punch you in the face.
3) Smoking marijuana should be legal. Drinking Tequiza/Mike's Hard Lemonade/Zima/Smirnoff Ice-type novelty beverages should be a felony. Statute of limitations = 15 years. Round 'em up.
4) The New York Knicks will not win a playoff series between 2001-2010.
5) Nobody you know owns a Zune.
6) The only scientifically accepted measures of manhood are: athletic ability, woman-charming ability, drinking ability, driving ability, and drinking and driving ability. And (of course) penis size.
7) Some people can get away with more than others. Deal with it.
8) Only fools fail to order egg and cheese sandwiches on Friday mornings.
9) Tattling on people is a terrible thing to do. As adults we should know better.
10) Gravy is nasty.
11) Vice Magazine is/was mean-spirited and you should put it down right now.
12) The original Rat Pack all suffered from near-constant booze-induced diarrhea.
13) It's time for you to stop feeling like a failure, even if the rest of the world sees you as one.
14) We all love beer.
15) Very few words/expressions shock me or gross me out, especially sexual ones. One that does is "eating her out." A woman used it at work the other day and I got genuinely freaked. Therefore, this is officially the single most inappropriate thing a person can say.
16) There is life outside of planet earth, but it's pretty lame.
17) The competence level of officiating in pro sports is a joke. At any given moment only 50% of the fans find the joke funny.
18) You will not get a blowjob this weekend. Sorry, just not in the cards.
19) In the end, it turns out you should have listened to your parents about cigarettes.
20) "It all comes down to knowing your limitations, and I don't have any" holds up better after 21 years than your yearbook quote did after three. Yeah, I'm talking to you, New Order fans.
21) The South won't rise again, not any time soon. So pipe down before you make us come down there again.
22) Potatoes!
23) If you wake up one morning with a thumping hangover and think you did a particular embarrassing thing the night before but aren't 100% positive, let me confirm: you did it. And others saw you do it. And one of them will bring it up. Go ahead and tell him to shut the fuck up.
24) Dan Smith will teach you guitar.
25) The world belongs to 17 year-olds.
1) Lance Armstrong is a cheating bastard. While this slightly tarnishes his 7 Tour de France wins, it does not diminish his most remarkable achievement: cheating in the Tour de France for at least 7 years straight without being caught. As an aside: he is a dick. Anyone who says of his own lovemaking ability, "I've never had any compaints" = dick.
2) Billy Martin would punch you in the face.
3) Smoking marijuana should be legal. Drinking Tequiza/Mike's Hard Lemonade/Zima/Smirnoff Ice-type novelty beverages should be a felony. Statute of limitations = 15 years. Round 'em up.
4) The New York Knicks will not win a playoff series between 2001-2010.
5) Nobody you know owns a Zune.
6) The only scientifically accepted measures of manhood are: athletic ability, woman-charming ability, drinking ability, driving ability, and drinking and driving ability. And (of course) penis size.
7) Some people can get away with more than others. Deal with it.
8) Only fools fail to order egg and cheese sandwiches on Friday mornings.
9) Tattling on people is a terrible thing to do. As adults we should know better.
10) Gravy is nasty.
11) Vice Magazine is/was mean-spirited and you should put it down right now.
12) The original Rat Pack all suffered from near-constant booze-induced diarrhea.
13) It's time for you to stop feeling like a failure, even if the rest of the world sees you as one.
14) We all love beer.
15) Very few words/expressions shock me or gross me out, especially sexual ones. One that does is "eating her out." A woman used it at work the other day and I got genuinely freaked. Therefore, this is officially the single most inappropriate thing a person can say.
16) There is life outside of planet earth, but it's pretty lame.
17) The competence level of officiating in pro sports is a joke. At any given moment only 50% of the fans find the joke funny.
18) You will not get a blowjob this weekend. Sorry, just not in the cards.
19) In the end, it turns out you should have listened to your parents about cigarettes.
20) "It all comes down to knowing your limitations, and I don't have any" holds up better after 21 years than your yearbook quote did after three. Yeah, I'm talking to you, New Order fans.
21) The South won't rise again, not any time soon. So pipe down before you make us come down there again.
22) Potatoes!
23) If you wake up one morning with a thumping hangover and think you did a particular embarrassing thing the night before but aren't 100% positive, let me confirm: you did it. And others saw you do it. And one of them will bring it up. Go ahead and tell him to shut the fuck up.
24) Dan Smith will teach you guitar.
25) The world belongs to 17 year-olds.
Labels: facts
posted by hans q. bungle at 23:48
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