your bad
In the last week, I've received three formal apologies from co-workers. Two via email, one in person. Three apologies, each one stemming from a different confrontation, all in the span of a few days.
It's pretty strange.
If you've ever worked with me, you know I'm not the most confrontational person on earth. Even though I know that true progress often requires some degree of conflict, I will do almost anything to avoid it.
I want to do a good job and turn out a widget that the company can be proud of, but it is of almost equal importance to me that the widget-making process is an enjoyable ride for everyone involved. I want to laugh, I want to feel a sense of comradeship, I want lightheartedness and oh-well-we're-fucked-today-so-let's-make-the-best-of-it-edness. I want people to treat each other with respect and kindness and as corny as it is, I want us to feel like family.
I like most of the people I work with and I try not to give them any reasons to dislike me.
But this week, three times people blew up at me. And I kept my cool each time. I didn't back down, I didn't get pissy and petty (OK, one time I kinda did), I just basically stood there and made my case and let the other person go all wah wah wah. Twice a door was semi-slammed in my face.
Each time, the person came back and was all, I'm sorry.
To which I basically say: not good enough.
I mean, I get it. It's a stressful time for us right now and everybody's on edge. People don't see eye to eye on things, tensions rise, emotions surface, and suddenly -- WHAM -- an uncomfortable moment right there in front of everyone.
But c'mon you fuckers, grow up. Be cool. Internalize your stress, take on a few extra hypertension heart attack points. Don't pass 'em all to me. I treat you with respect. I discuss shit in calm tones. I sugarcoat my criticism of your crappy work. I give you every chance to do the same for me. And then I get the door in the face.
I am trying to figure out what led to this sudden barrage of contentiousness. I have come up with a few possible sources:
1. The Fat Face Theory -- there are a few supernatural forces which I grudgingly believe in. I believe that time actually flows at varying speeds, that there is a physical force, to this point unmeasurable by instruments, which makes some days go slower than others. Most of my evidence for this is that if you ask someone you know if the week or day etc. has gone by quickly or slowly, they will always have the same general sense about it as you, even if the two of you work/exist in totally separate worlds. I also believe that approximately once every six months I physically grow approximately 2 inches, a phenomenon known as "Giant Hans." It will usally last for a day or so. Others can testify to this. A third theory is that I am treated better by people when I am having a "handsome day." Do you notice that on some days your face is all bloated and fat, and others it is more slim and defined? Good, me too. When the face is slim, everybody's your best friend. And on those Fat Face Days, people seem to want to shit all over you. Perhaps I have been having a bunch of Fat Face Days in a row.
2. The Captain Pussy Theory -- I am too nice a guy and people feel they can lash out at me without repercussions. Later, they feel bad about it because they are ultimately decent human beings.
3. The Asshole Theory -- I have suddenly become more combative and that is why I am getting in more messy situations. I am a dick. I should be the one apologizing but am too arrogant to even consider this possibility.
4. The Random Chance Theory -- a few incidents that would otherwise seem largely inconsequential suddenly take on importance because they happen in quick succession.
5. The My Bad Theory -- I am just plain wrong in each case and since I have not backed down, people have gotten pissed. Whatever, I'm right.
Interested to hear your thoughts.
On a side note, within 24 hours of the first confrontation, a moment of supreme poetic justice landed on my adversary's head in such a perfect way that if you saw it in a movie you'd roll your eyes at its ludicrousness. I will savor it for a good while.
It's pretty strange.
If you've ever worked with me, you know I'm not the most confrontational person on earth. Even though I know that true progress often requires some degree of conflict, I will do almost anything to avoid it.
I want to do a good job and turn out a widget that the company can be proud of, but it is of almost equal importance to me that the widget-making process is an enjoyable ride for everyone involved. I want to laugh, I want to feel a sense of comradeship, I want lightheartedness and oh-well-we're-fucked-today-so-let's-make-the-best-of-it-edness. I want people to treat each other with respect and kindness and as corny as it is, I want us to feel like family.
I like most of the people I work with and I try not to give them any reasons to dislike me.
But this week, three times people blew up at me. And I kept my cool each time. I didn't back down, I didn't get pissy and petty (OK, one time I kinda did), I just basically stood there and made my case and let the other person go all wah wah wah. Twice a door was semi-slammed in my face.
Each time, the person came back and was all, I'm sorry.
To which I basically say: not good enough.
I mean, I get it. It's a stressful time for us right now and everybody's on edge. People don't see eye to eye on things, tensions rise, emotions surface, and suddenly -- WHAM -- an uncomfortable moment right there in front of everyone.
But c'mon you fuckers, grow up. Be cool. Internalize your stress, take on a few extra hypertension heart attack points. Don't pass 'em all to me. I treat you with respect. I discuss shit in calm tones. I sugarcoat my criticism of your crappy work. I give you every chance to do the same for me. And then I get the door in the face.
I am trying to figure out what led to this sudden barrage of contentiousness. I have come up with a few possible sources:
1. The Fat Face Theory -- there are a few supernatural forces which I grudgingly believe in. I believe that time actually flows at varying speeds, that there is a physical force, to this point unmeasurable by instruments, which makes some days go slower than others. Most of my evidence for this is that if you ask someone you know if the week or day etc. has gone by quickly or slowly, they will always have the same general sense about it as you, even if the two of you work/exist in totally separate worlds. I also believe that approximately once every six months I physically grow approximately 2 inches, a phenomenon known as "Giant Hans." It will usally last for a day or so. Others can testify to this. A third theory is that I am treated better by people when I am having a "handsome day." Do you notice that on some days your face is all bloated and fat, and others it is more slim and defined? Good, me too. When the face is slim, everybody's your best friend. And on those Fat Face Days, people seem to want to shit all over you. Perhaps I have been having a bunch of Fat Face Days in a row.
2. The Captain Pussy Theory -- I am too nice a guy and people feel they can lash out at me without repercussions. Later, they feel bad about it because they are ultimately decent human beings.
3. The Asshole Theory -- I have suddenly become more combative and that is why I am getting in more messy situations. I am a dick. I should be the one apologizing but am too arrogant to even consider this possibility.
4. The Random Chance Theory -- a few incidents that would otherwise seem largely inconsequential suddenly take on importance because they happen in quick succession.
5. The My Bad Theory -- I am just plain wrong in each case and since I have not backed down, people have gotten pissed. Whatever, I'm right.
Interested to hear your thoughts.
On a side note, within 24 hours of the first confrontation, a moment of supreme poetic justice landed on my adversary's head in such a perfect way that if you saw it in a movie you'd roll your eyes at its ludicrousness. I will savor it for a good while.
posted by hans q. bungle at 00:18
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