that same old place that you laughed about
One of the interesting things about having a HIATUS (i.e. Summers Off) is that each season begins to feel like a school year. This is my 4th year at this job, I've had 3 HIATII, and I still have a minimum of two years to go (including this one). I occasionally catch myself referring to my first year there as "freshman year." For real.
Everybody comes back to the office in August/September, engages in awkward "How was your summer?" small talk, and some creep always moves in for the traditional misplaced hug. Each season, we all talk about how this is the year we're going to make it better. How this is the year we're finally gonna get organized.
Well, there isn't a Trapper Keeper big enough to fool me into thinking it's gonna be easy. The road is rough and I'm going to get my ass kicked (already got a nice swift shot to the gut today) and the hours are going to be long. Our department, like umpires and aircraft maintenance workers, only gets noticed when we fuck up.
But I have hope -- or, rather, hopes -- for Senior Year. Things I'm gonna do better, things I'm going to enjoy more. Mistakes I hope to avoid and opportunities I hope to seize. In and outside of work. Here they are, in no particular order.
1. Drink iced coffee like usual.
2. Make bad puns at least three times a day.
3. Wear my new dark blue shirt that I got for like 15 bucks.
4. Manage expectations better. Mine and everybody else's.
5. Capture or kill Bin Laden (long shot).
6. Worry less, get upset less -- after all, there's nothing to worry or get upset about.
7. Eat a grand total of zero candy bars out of the candy bar jar that my colleague refills like every damn day. My estimated total from last season: 1,254 consumed.
8. No boozing in the office until 5pm, except on Fridays, when 3pm might just work OK.
9. Play basketball a minimum of 3 times a month, let Deion erotically apply my Icy Hot Back Patch when possible.
10. Communicate better. Or maybe not at all.
11. Improve enough at what I do that it gets a little easier and faster.
12. Anticipate and deal with the crappy stuff that I know is coming, instead of crossing my fingers and praying that it doesn't.
13. Treat everyone with the level of respect that they earn.
14. Relish the 4pm piss and everything it has come to symbolize.
15. Vow to not mention steroids again until 2010. Continue taking steroids, hope someone notices.
16. Read two books a month. Recent read I heartily recommend: "Wake Up, Sir!" by Jonathan Ames. Quite funny, with a screwed up hero you can't help but identify with. Unless you're not screwed up.
17. Begin planning the next move in my professional life. I feel like I am still on pawn to king 4.
18. Sweat to the Oldies when asked.
19. Perfect a smarmy combo wink-gunshot gesture to needlessly irritate co-workers.
20. Shoot some videos on my iPhone. Maybe one of me slapping you on the back of the neck for no reason.
Do you have goals for Senior Year?
Everybody comes back to the office in August/September, engages in awkward "How was your summer?" small talk, and some creep always moves in for the traditional misplaced hug. Each season, we all talk about how this is the year we're going to make it better. How this is the year we're finally gonna get organized.
Well, there isn't a Trapper Keeper big enough to fool me into thinking it's gonna be easy. The road is rough and I'm going to get my ass kicked (already got a nice swift shot to the gut today) and the hours are going to be long. Our department, like umpires and aircraft maintenance workers, only gets noticed when we fuck up.
But I have hope -- or, rather, hopes -- for Senior Year. Things I'm gonna do better, things I'm going to enjoy more. Mistakes I hope to avoid and opportunities I hope to seize. In and outside of work. Here they are, in no particular order.
1. Drink iced coffee like usual.
2. Make bad puns at least three times a day.
3. Wear my new dark blue shirt that I got for like 15 bucks.
4. Manage expectations better. Mine and everybody else's.
5. Capture or kill Bin Laden (long shot).
6. Worry less, get upset less -- after all, there's nothing to worry or get upset about.
7. Eat a grand total of zero candy bars out of the candy bar jar that my colleague refills like every damn day. My estimated total from last season: 1,254 consumed.
8. No boozing in the office until 5pm, except on Fridays, when 3pm might just work OK.
9. Play basketball a minimum of 3 times a month, let Deion erotically apply my Icy Hot Back Patch when possible.
10. Communicate better. Or maybe not at all.
11. Improve enough at what I do that it gets a little easier and faster.
12. Anticipate and deal with the crappy stuff that I know is coming, instead of crossing my fingers and praying that it doesn't.
13. Treat everyone with the level of respect that they earn.
14. Relish the 4pm piss and everything it has come to symbolize.
15. Vow to not mention steroids again until 2010. Continue taking steroids, hope someone notices.
16. Read two books a month. Recent read I heartily recommend: "Wake Up, Sir!" by Jonathan Ames. Quite funny, with a screwed up hero you can't help but identify with. Unless you're not screwed up.
17. Begin planning the next move in my professional life. I feel like I am still on pawn to king 4.
18. Sweat to the Oldies when asked.
19. Perfect a smarmy combo wink-gunshot gesture to needlessly irritate co-workers.
20. Shoot some videos on my iPhone. Maybe one of me slapping you on the back of the neck for no reason.
Do you have goals for Senior Year?
Labels: workin'
posted by hans q. bungle at 01:09
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