-----Original Message-----
From: SC
Sent: Friday, April 06, 2001 1:53 PM
To: VRF
Subject: ogg log III
Okay, a little backstory. During our first two years in college, there were
two anonymous turds left in our dorm bathroom, each of which was large
enough to be mistaken for a nuclear submarine. Our dorm being named Ogg
Hall, they were christened Ogg Log I and Ogg Log II. They occurred about six
months apart, and I found out that (name withheld) was the author of at least
one of
them. As the years went by, I learned that all his movements were of
unbelievable length as well as impressive girth (although none as gargantuan
as his Ogg Log). He would often call people in to the bathroom to display
his work, which never failed to astonish us all.
Then today I received this e-mail from him, titled "Ogg Log III":
Stevo,
I have to tell you a story from this week that I knew you would appreciate.
Monday afternoon, Ogg Log III was born. It was incredible....the only one
truly worthy of such a title in the 12 years since its two predecessors.
I could tell it was a keeper without even looking into the bowl. My first
instinct, after a good laugh, was to run down the hall and get you
to have a look, then I realized I was no longer living in Ogg Hall. Coming
to my senses, I decided to "do the right thing" and send it down to turd
heaven rather than leave it for the next unfortunate stall occupant.
Upon the first flush, the water evacuated, but my masterpiece formed a
granite bridge across the bowl. The second flush had similar results....I
then decided to make it someone else's problem for fear of being associated
with it. Laughing all the way to my cube, I had to tell my fellow SWAMP
mates since they are always up for good toilet humor.....one of them was
brave enough to have a look....he tried two flushes (kicking the handle with
his foot)....on the second one (fourth overall), it broke in half like
Titanic with the tail portion clogging the hole and the bow standing at
attention "breaking water".
The second guy went in and saw it in this state...he also tried to kill it a
few times, but had no luck......I went in later that afternoon and it was no
more....not even a trace....
The e-mail was followed moments later by another e-mail bearing the same
name, this time from (other friend from college), who works in (name withheld's)
office:
Ogg Hall in Appleton:
On Monday of this week a confirmed sighting was made of Ogg Log III.
This mythical creature was severed from the umbilical cord at 10:15 am
(amidst tears of joy and pain).
It achieved rational thought at 10:17 am.
Four failed attempts were made by parent to destroy this entity (fearing
that there were those who would not appreciate and would fear this creature)
but were unsuccessful due to a new bridging technique.
After confirmation by a second person, additional attempts at destruction
were made but were only successful in severing the torso.
Final confirmation of the disposition of this entity is unknown at this
time.
It has been confirmed that the parent of Ogg Log II and Ogg Log III are the
same person.