Crief4: The Dave story is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time

Rody0: hit it

Crief4: Let me set the scene....we had been out drinking in Appleton a week

or so ago.....

Crief4: Wait a minute....I missed your birthday didn't I.....Happy belated

29th!!!! Was it the 26th or 21st?????

Rody0: 21st, bitch

Crief4: Sorry man......you old shitsack.....on with the story...

Crief4: We had been out drinking on Fri night, but Voet, Dave and I got a

golf tee time for 9:00 am Sat....

Crief4: voet had to drag dave out of bed and he took his own car out to my

parents' place........he looked terrible....messy hair...bloodshot

eyes....totally hung...

Rody0: red faced

Crief4: We teed off on time and had made it through 5 holes on a beautiful

sunny morning....yes, red as a stop sign kip....

Crief4: Voet had just hit his ball on the 6th hole....the tee box is up on a

small hill with the 5th green just below to our left and the backyards of

all these new houses lining the right side of the fairway on our hole...

Crief4: Dave had me come over by him to try and press out a big fart, but

backed off because he said it might "leave a stain"....

Crief4: He then got on the tee box and was about to tee off when his stomach

started to pound.....

Rody0: i wonder where this is going

Crief4: He walked in circles a bit and said he "didn't feel right and

probably should not have went to Pete's bar alone and had all that jerky at

2:30 am".

Crief4: He was trapped and then eyed the tall grass on the other side of the

5th fairway....

Crief4: He told me of his intentions to go shit in the grass and I asked

"What will you wipe with?"......

Crief4: No sooner did he reply 'It doesn't matter....I am not going to make

it"....he pulled down his shorts and underwear and squatted down right on

the tee box...

Crief4: Two huge explosions of brown shit evacuated from his body nearly

launching him off his feet.....

Crief4: I thought I was watching the "Excorcist"...

Rody0: yes!

Crief4: Then, the piss started to flow as he had now lost control of all

bodily functions.....tucking his big dink behind his shorts after pissing

himself....

Crief4: The piss continued to flow as Voet and I stood in our horror with a

father/son team riding up to our tee box and who knows how many unnoticed

home owners watching from their kitchens....

Rody0: I love this world

Crief4: I fumbled for his golf towel at his request, but was laughing so

hard I could not get it off his bag as he crouched pantless over two huge piles

of shit!

Rody0: i'm howling right now

Crief4: Giving up on me, he pulled up his underwear and pants and said "I

should probably go"

Crief4: He had not wiped at this point....and I begged him to stay and

finish...being the competitive jerk that he is....he decided to tee off and

hit a rather good shot....

Crief4: Walking to his ball he said "This does not feel normal".....he

picked up his ball, went in the short grass behind a guys house (I think someone

was in the yard)...took his pants and underwear off...wiped his shitty ass with

his golf towel and left them both in the grass to rot!

Rody0: This story would make me laugh if I was 5 or 95.

Crief4: Freeballing it the rest of the way, he finished the last 3 holes and

then asked if we had lost respect for him......we said that we had to have

some to lose....

Crief4: He had shit on the back of his shorts and they were most definitely

piss soaked....

Crief4: Maybe the funniest thing I have seen in person....

Rody0: What a fucking animal...who won the round?

Crief4: Dave was winning after 5 holes, but we lost all ability to

concentrate after "the shit felt round the world".

Crief4: We left that big stinking pile of shit right on the tee box with no

attempt to clean or cover it up for the rest of the golfers to

enjoy........I bet the clubhouse got complaints.......

Crief4: He has reached an all time low....his body is rejecting his

lifestyle.....

Rody0: Not a superhero anymore...I gotta go, but i'll be back in a

few...will you still be here?