Here is an endless exchange from a couple of years ago...when my shitbox apartment had been invaded by a mouse...

-----Original Message-----
From: Vrf
Sent: Tuesday, June 12, 2001 10:23 AM
To: src
Subject: softestball


Remember a few weeks ago when that weird guy was running the bases and almost got thrown out at third, but then he actually grabbed the ball and tossed it into the outfield before scampering home? That was a good move.

From: SRC
To: VRF

That guy has been boycotting the last few weeks because we waived his friend, the guy with the glasses who was just helpless out there. The heartbreaking thing: the guy with the glasses had just bought a glove.


From: VRF
To: SRC

lol, Ambrose told me that guy got optioned down. I didn't realize that the freaky guy was boycotting. He's a wildthing.

From: SRC
To: VRF

with his tight shirts and his glasses.

i think we need to welcome those guys back in. the guy bought a glove...poor thing.

From: VRF
To:SRC

I guess I agree. How was it put to him that he wasn't with the Big Club anymore?

From: SRC
To:VRF

I don't know. I think the crazy dude was just told, and I don't know if he told the sucky dude that he was cut, or if he just said, let's not play anymore.

From: VRF
To: SRC

I'm still feeling bad/good (mostly good) about jacking that ball out the other night.


From: SRC
To:VRF

It's time to move on. You act like you never hit one out before.


From: VRF
To: SRC

I never had.

From: SRC
To:VRF

You mean, never really jacked one?

From: VRF
To: SRC

well, only once before.

From: SRC
To: VRF

My homers are always cheap.

From: VRF
To: SRC

you were throwing the ball with authority.

From: SRC
To:VRF

I am very similar to Nomar Garciaparra.

From: VRF
To: SRC

well, Dale Berra, at least

From: SRC
To: VRF

My glove is a Dale Murphy signature model.

From: VRF
To: SRC

excellent. I wanna play softball right now.

From: SRC
To: VRF

It's much more fun than working.

From: VRF
To: SRC

oh, yeah. Working is for the weak.

From: SRC
To: VRF

I truly hate life.

From: VRF
To: SRC

go watch the dogs

From: SRC
To: VRF

they've got the life

From: VRF
To: SRC

sure do.

From: SRC
To: VRF

Except getting neutered.

From: VRF
To: SRC

good point.

From: SRC
To: VRF

Might not be so bad...makes the world a simpler place.

From: VRF
To: SRC

higher voice

From: SRC
To: VRF

who cares if you're not looking to hook up with b#tches anyway.

From: VRF
To: SRC

true

From: SRC
To: VRF

just run around biting other dogs and playing frisbee

From: VRF
To: SRC

sleeping all the time

From: SRC
To: VRF

leg twitching in sleep as you dream of running and catching a frisbee

From: VRF
To: SRC

I think mine does that anyway. I am playing a solid outfield.

From: SRC
To: VRF

You're like Bernie out there. You catch everything, but runners aren't afraid to take the extra base on you.

From: VRF
To: SRC

True, but then my errant throws entice them into a "hotbox."

From: SRC
To: VRF

Which inevitably leads to a brilliant fake throw by me, causing the runner to collapse on the ground between bases.

From: VRF
To: SRC

or run wildly out of the basepath

From: SRC
To: VRF

...figuring they'll win any arguments that might come up.

what happened to zeke?

From: VRF
To: SRC

Zeke forgot. He wants to play on the 24th.

From: SRC
To: VRF

we'll have to wait and see.

From: VRF
To: SRC

good point. If I tell him he can play, we might end up with enough people.

From: SRC
To: VRF

no, it's just that he needs to be punished.

From: VRF
To: SRC

yes, that's true.

From: SRC
To: VRF

He needs to feel that we are doing him a favor by allowing him to play.

From: VRF
To: SRC

agreed. I'm gonna crank one out again.

From: SRC
To: VRF

Is your bro gonna come this weekend?

From: VRF
To: SRC

who knows? I'll check, teenagers are annoying.

From: SRC
To: VRF

he's probably busy doing whippets

From: VRF
To: SRC

"whippet n : small slender dog of greyhound type developed in England."

That can't be good, I'll have to talk to him.

From: SRC
To: VRF

I wonder if that's how whippets got their name.

From: VRF
To: SRC

I think it's supposed to rain on sunday.

From: SRC
To: VRF

that's the forecast.

From: VRF
To: SRC

do we play rain or shine? I will.

From: SRC
To: VRF

i won't

From: VRF
To: SRC

How many hotdogs do you think you could eat at one ballgame?

From: SRC
To: VRF

Were I still eating meat, I would guess four. If it was on a bet, I bet I could eat about six.

From: VRF
To: SRC

I like sauerkraut

From: SRC
To: VRF

I used to, then I liked mustard and onions on a nice Sabrett dog.

From: VRF
To: SRC

I was never one for relish

From: SRC
To: VRF

i've never had one bite of it

From: VRF
To: SRC

how are chicago dogs?

From: SRC
To: VRF

delicious

From: VRF
To: SRC

celery salt?

From: SRC
To: VRF

sure. the works.

From: VRF
To: SRC

what's on the works?

From: SRC
To: VRF

if you have to ask, don't order the works.

From: VRF
To: SRC

c'mon, tell me

From: SRC
To: VRF

I don't know. It's just "the works."

From: VRF
To: SRC

chocolate chips?

From: SRC
To: VRF

I don't know. Probably.

From: VRF
To: SRC


li'l bit

From: SRC
To: VRF

overall, it tastes like salt

From: VRF
To: SRC

salt is real good. Pepper, too.

From: SRC
To: VRF

on french fries with ketchup

From: VRF
To: SRC

yeah, late at night.

From: SRC
To: VRF

when it's easier to conceal your shame

From: VRF
To: SRC

If you could have only one food for the rest of your life what would it be?

From: SRC
To: VRF

not sure, but it would probably be one of the following:
movie popcorn
baked potatoes
pizza
mashed potatoes
french fried potatoes
cereal (crunch berries top choice but cause too much damage to roof of mouth and digestive system) grilled cheese

From: VRF
To: SRC

not bad. Here's mine (in no particular order):

-pizza
-chocolate milkshakes
-cheeseburgers
-french fries
-grilled cheese
-mozzarella sticks
-ice cold beer

From: SRC
To: VRF

grilled cheese almost made my list, too...but I don't know if I could eat it as consistently as the other things.

if you want more favorites, here are a couple:
-batter-fried cheese curds with gritty sauce from the Nitty Gritty bar in Madison. very similar to mozz. sticks, but even more delightful.
-doritos
-eggs

From: VRF
To: SRC

I might not be here for softballs on the 24th

From: SRC
To: VRF

Who will be our HR threat?

From: VRF
To: SRC

Cornelius

From: SRC
To: VRF

I forgot about him. We need him back.

From: VRF
To: SRC

he's a weird one.

From: SRC
To: VRF

I know. He barely responded when we called him by his name.

From: VRF
To: SRC

I really think I know him from somewhere.

From: SRC
To: VRF

He probably shagged Katie.

From: VRF
To: SRC

I knew it, that rat!

From: SRC
To: VRF

Cornelius would be a good name for a pet rat.

From: VRF
To: SRC

How is your pet mouse?

From: SRC
To: VRF

Dead as can be, courtesy of the yellow pages. I told you that already, right? How I smashed him dead with the yellow pages?

From: VRF
To: SRC

LOL, No! Tell me!

From: SRC
To: VRF

I came home, and he was stuck on one of them glue traps...well, his hindquarters were, anyway, and his front section was moving freely on the floor. The poor little bastard. He wasn't really strong enough to move the whole trap, he was just kind of shaking it around and shitting on the wall. So, after I let out a startled scream, I put down my bag and began looking for something heavy to smash him with. Using my cane from my torn meniscus days, I nudged the trap away from the wall (with the panicky mouse twitching and pulling the whole time) so no guts would spray on the wall. The first thing I found was the yellow pages, which I then raised above my head and lowered on top of the trap with the force of a thousand men. One little nodule of blood sprayed about two feet, that was it. He was just dead. I felt horrible on about fifty different levels, but I still had to clean him up. I somehow (I don't really remember how, it was all happening so fast) got him into a garbage bag, then chucked the yellow pages in, too. I double-bagged it and took it downstairs, then I cleaned up the blood and shit with paper towels and soap and threw those out as well. I was trembling for about ten minutes.